December 21, 2005

I am in love with Ayn Rand


Since Saturday (December 17), I have been reading Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. I can't stop myself from devouring each page because of the suspenseful and reader-friendly turn of events. The last time I had this exuberance was when I skimmed over John Grisham's The Client.

It talks about the intellectual and practical conflict in architecture. It tackles how the real corporate world operates, the different strategies used to top the competition based either on meritocracy or sheer wiliness. It highlights Peter Keating who will reach his goal even if it means stepping on others and bending his principles versus Howard Roark who defends his principles even if it means being stepped on by others.

I seemed to be more enlightened about the difficulties we will all face in order to succeed. It is inspirational for someone like me who encounters the same dilemma nowadays. I hope I can and will always tread the righteous path.
I still have 552 pages left... Perhaps on my next update I will synthesize this 704-page controversial novel.

December 20, 2005

Going Fine



I did not know that my mom sent me a text message last December 2. She thought I am the one who is mad at her because I did not reply. I did not receive any because I remember now that I ran out of battery during that day. I am excited to go home and be with her.

I received a lot of Christmas gifts and as always I opened them immediately when I reached home. I loved all the gifts. I realized I have a significant number of thoughtful friends. I have a new glass pitcher, oranges, pastries, goodies made out of Host cuttings, belt, two polo shirts, scented candles, house ornament, etc.

One gift is very special for me not because it is very expensive. It is special because my friend has an economic difficulty but she still gave me that expensive gift. I hope I can tell her that the thought will be enough and such an expensive gift is unneccessary. She just said, "That's how I love you." I appreciate the gift nevertheless. I will wear it this January while the weather is still cold.

I also apologized to one teacher in FEU last week. She said she has been waiting for me to approach her and realize my mistakes. Yes I did. I cannot afford to be in bad terms with anyone. She smiled when I handed down my gift to her.

I am very happy! It seems that everything is going fine. I just knew everything will be fine. I only need to face each problem and do something about it.

Amen.

December 19, 2005

For the first time


My mom did not greet me last December 2, my birthday. It is the first time in 26 years. I am sad because until now I am still not in good terms with the greatest woman of my life.

I can't blame her. But she can't blame me too. I ranted about her excessive support to my eldest brother's family who still depends much on my mom. She has been too emotional since our family was extended.

It is okay to serve as the backbone of her weak child. But she has to teach him and his family how to stand alone. She keeps on giving them fish and has not taught them how to fish on their own.

A mother's love is surely so hard to understand. I am not envious but I think her actions do not really help my brother in the long run.

Some may think I am heartless. Maybe. Maybe not. There is nothing wrong with helping. But when your resources run dry, there has to be change in ways.
I hate the idea of thinking in boxes. It prevents growth. It kills the excitement.

A mother is a mother. And I love her so much. I hope we can mend our differences this Christmas. After all, she will never admit she did anything wrong because she only expressed her love. Ah...love is sometimes unfathomable.

As the younger one who respects her a lot, I must find the way to settle this even if it entails extinguishing the light of logic.