Goodbye

My two nephews, both two years old, held my hands like escorts ushering me to the terrace. I was already dressed up, ready to return to Manila after a week-long stay in my parents’ house for the Lenten season. My nephews knew that my get-up was a prelude to my departure. There was a transformation in their behavior. It was a paradox of my daily encounter with them because usually they turn the house into a jumanji. Either my mother or the nanny was like a member of the police dispersal unit in stopping these robust toddlers from “wrecking havoc” at home. (I wonder how I was like when I was their age!)

They looked so calm and mabait with eyes that resembled Tweety Bird’s. They obviously wanted a favor. They were always at my trail. But I was mum to break the news that I could not bring them with me. It would be a huge responsibility to do so.

A few minutes later, I hailed the approaching Victory Liner. I unlocked our hands, immediately kissed my mom to bid goodbye, and I proceeded to get on the bus. I heard a loud duet of cry. I did not look back. I do not want to see their faces because the tone of the cry seemed to mean I broke a promise. When they grow up, they will understand how grown-ups think and live. I hate this goodbye.

* * *

The long trip bored me so my eyes wandered inside the bus and tried to feast on the view outside. My seatmate has a black eye. I wanted to ask but the question could inconvenience him. So I did a sightseeing instead, even if the sunrays rammed through the glass of the new aircon bus. I saw farmers harvesting palay. I saw vast cornfields, a carabao smelling its mom’s behind (probably as a signal that it wants to lactate), lahar deposits of Mount Pinatubo eruption that drained what used to be a body of water. Clear water started to accumulate over a gray bed of sand or lahar. The altered “geographical landscape” (if such a term is valid) promises a “new life”. Probably, after two decades, this will be a significant body of water with new life forms.

Then my eyes closed.

When I woke up I was already at NLEX and I knew I was at the entry point to the urban city. The landscape is like a rainbow as plants are alternately arranged to provide a color contrast. I saw a phalanx of subdivisions developed from agricultural lands. The structures have begun to depict majesty. On the contrary, I believe that the majesty is a façade of the social cost of urban development as the Philippines continues to import rice from its neighboring countries. Importation is not inherently bad but when you import due to the government’s misplaced priorities, then it becomes a thorny issue. Ironically, an agricultural country like ours that used to teach farmers from Thailand through the International Rice Research Institute (IRRI) has a reversed role now: the consumer instead of the producer. Is this a total goodbye to our competitive edge? I hope not. I hope we begin to learn the value of our asset as a tropical country with vast fertile lands. I hope the government starts to prioritize the concern of the majority by always looking into the long-term effects of its current actions. Sadly, we only learn the value of something once it is out of our midst.

* * *

I am not sure but goodbye seems to be in the offing. Technology can easily connect…and disconnect too. Too bad I am missing the inspiring and meaningful messages. The communication just stopped. We had pleasantries before the Holy Week. I sent several SMS but there was no single reply. Was the phone lost or stolen? I do not know. I hope I will be informed. I can understand whatever reason, except this deafening silence. It breeds vagueness that has dragged me into the vastness of uncertainty. If the silence persists, then my hunch is confirmed: Silence is an indisputable right. I cannot question it myself.

* * *

Goodbye my students. It is my honor to have become part of your college life. I hope and pray that you will achieve your goals. Don’t be scared to start from below because there is no other way but up for those who work hard and for those who love their work. Maintain the highest degree of work ethics because at the end of the day, no regret will hound you if you know you did the right thing to do.

This is the kind of positive goodbye. Pain is not very grueling because the departure is the onset of spanning greater heights. When you become successful, return to Far Eastern University and join the academe so that your wisdom can be shared to those who will succeed you.