SNAPSHOTS

The Black Swan

2009-06-04T17:13:00.002+08:00

I had the chance to listen to one of the top headhunters in the country or probably even in the Asian region—Dr. Jesus Zulueta or GG. He treated us with pizza and soda at the Institute of Solidarity in Asia while getting enriched by his talk on Professional Options. He looks very expensive which according to him is a deliberate act in order to maintain an image essential in the nature of his work. For me, his way of talking and his nonverbal cues are more than requisites of his work. These are harvests of his very meaningful career.

I could not forget his discussion on the Black Swan. It is an unexpected and life-changing event that diverts us from the normal course of our lives. All along, we thought there are only white swans until someone in Australia or Tasmania reported about the existence of a black swan.

Sometimes, we are deeply engrossed in a serene and “normal” life, as everything seems to be on the right track. Until a learned urbanite, for example, makes a difficult decision like quitting from a high-paying job and settle down in the countryside in order to take care of a sick mom whose death wish is companionship with her only begotten son. Or a person was rammed by a car and lost his left leg, which immensely changed the direction of his life.

The Black Swan, I think, makes “unspoken messages” more manifest or obvious. There are turning points we cannot immediately fathom at the moment, until what is deemed abnormal falls into its proper place. Some call it sheer serendipity. But many devout Catholics, Buddhists, and other Christians consider it as part of God’s grand Divine plan. Kuya Kim of ABS-CBN’s Matanglawin, in a talk at FEU, is a classic example of this “grand plan”. Before the death of the legendary Ernie Baron, the late broadcaster told him in an interview that he can already die because his alter ego has been borne.

Using your gut-feel or listening to God through an inner voice, as my friend puts it, is the greatest challenge in discerning a Black Swan. Occasionally, we stubbornly push for what we think is best for us. It takes a Black Swan—sometimes even very painful—to finally realize a deeper meaning of our lives.

This is not to say that an existentialist’s way of life is absolutely irrelevant. When we invest on our future by going to a good school, sustaining harmonious interpersonal relationships with social and professional circles, investing on long-term financial portfolios, we personally chart our roadmap to success. In fact, some mentors always advise that we need to reinvent ourselves every five years because the real point of equilibrium is change. “Kalabaw lang ang tumatanda” is probably a Filipino idiomatic expression that succinctly puts the permanence of change. Sometimes, change is ignited by a Black Swan.

Lately, several positive changes or blessings occurred in my life in the past three weeks. I do not really consider these as Black Swans because they are not really negative or painful. These changes cleared for me the better path I should tread. I hope I can sustain and do my best as planned, not just by my own volition but by the Omnipresent.

At the back please

2009-02-03T19:17:00.000+08:00

They cramp near the door despite the wide inner space. They sit near the exit even if their destination is the farthest. I am talking about people I rub elbows with in the metro’s public transport utilities. My experience with them is rarely delightful, oftentimes disgustful for reflecting one reprehensible Filipino psychology – lack of self-sacrifice.

Passengers who “cordon” the entry and exit points are probably proactive. In case of emergency, their position is a guarantee of an easiest way out. Probably, they are able to avoid the hassle of squeezing in a throng of Filipinos, not to mention the hassle of “stench” that is given off by bodies pummeled by a humid day’s hard work. Unfortunately, these types of Filipinos are not the minority. A lot of them think alike, thus, clogging what could have been a smooth traffic of people.

A sigh is my initial reaction coupled with a fast panning of the head from left to right. I want to shout, “Please give way!” but I fear a mob of tired individuals whose linear thinking is to go home the soonest time possible for rest.

What if I am an indigent senior citizen who has to travel through the jeepney? It means bending my body forward regardless of osteoporosis, rheumatism, and other ailments common among the elderly!

Then you have Filipinos who – yes! – sit behind the driver who should, by tradition, hand the fare on the driver. But they snub you despite the increased volume and intensity of “Bayad, pakisuyo po!” You have those who scornfully stare at you when you bump them by sheer accident due to the dense pack of passengers. Had I not been educated, I wanted to tell these women: “Miss, magtaxi or limousine ka kaya!”

I envy the Aussies. I saw their outlook about “other people.” When they board the bus, they usually take the backseats to give way to those who will get off the bus first. I envy the people of Hong Kong: at least they have a very good transport system, enough to accommodate taxpayers who deserve efficient services from the government.

I think Filipino passengers need a reversal of attitude. It has been a Filipino way of life: Ayaw nating palamangan kahit nakakaapekto na tayo sa iba. The scene in public utilities is a microcosm of how a significant number of Filipinos behave. You go to the legislative houses you can see grandstanding politicians who race to grab the microphone in anticipation of a mass media mileage. You hear about Filipinos who throw their garbage anywhere just so they can get rid of the waste in their immediate environs.

Our sense of community has taken the backseat because we refuse to make the lives of others convenient unless we have copped our own convenience first. Of course it is a natural inclination to prioritize personal satisfaction but this does not have to be divorced from the satisfaction of others. We can co-exist more harmoniously, not a toleration of the inconveniences caused by others.

The next time you hop on any mass transport vehicle, please proceed to the inner space lest receive the ire of impatient others. We are educated to have a greater social responsibility. In our own little and slow way, let us rekindle a sense of community. Remember, finally, that being the first or being in front does not always mean being the best.

The Self

2009-01-21T21:43:00.003+08:00

I'm supposed to be at the FEU Auditorium this afternoon for the Educational Foundation Awards. But I preferred to stay at home and laze around, not because Idislike the award but because I am tired (physically, that is). The recognition is important but my body is uncooperative these days. It all started before Christmas 2008. My bestfriend even joked another close friend, that he should return from Singapore before my last breath. I hope not just yet.

This is not my swansong blog nor a suicide note. I am not terminally ill. I do not have a suicidal tendency either. I just observed I am not as talkative as before. It is a sign of growing up, boredom, and probably disappointment. I will get by. I just need to reserve my energy for something "grand", a "turning point" if you will.

My Chinese horoscope for the year 2009 predicts that I will not be lucky this year. I do not completely believe this but it is a good reason to be more cautious this year, to reflect, and to find out further what truly makes me happy.

There are things I want to do but there are opposing circumstances (by chance or intention). I remember one good friend Iyan Adewuya who once told me, "You do not always get what you want." Now I fully understand. Even the best of intentions are insufficient to pave the way for what you desire especially if some stakeholders refuse to take the risks with you.

The effect: You "breathe in" for survival but you do not "breathe out" an enthusiastic spirit. You stick around but your mind darts toward a motley of directions and possibilities. You find the rocking chair more enjoyable than a joy ride en route the best place there is.

This does not necessarily downplay performance. I cannot afford to sacrifice the trust and expectation of several people whom I trust as well. I will finish (with all my best) my commitments. I can still be relied upon when it comes to professional work.

But I hope people close to me will get to understand that strong as I am, I have fears and frustrations. In the event I cannot be my public self or what they want me to be, it is either I have reached my threshold or I have decided to move on (alone).

My private victory is more important than my public victory. The Self must find its greater essence and better "condition" before it can connect or reconnect with other self-reflexive beings. I hope they understand. I am sorry for those who cannot.

The social value of research

2008-10-11T17:12:00.002+08:00

While finding a book on psychoanalysis and gender I noticed the new see-through windows of the FEU Main Library fronting Quezon Blvd. I peeked and saw the phalanx of dilapidated buildings and train of shanties along the parallel street. At its core I know the Bilibid Prison is located. Then I had a flashback of my best friend’s rant about the culture of academic research. To a certain extent, the truth she blurted is now a nagging thought.

For the past few years I have conducted some scholarly communication researches. Lately, the political economy of gender has been the central theme of my work. I have read several studies; some are very highfalutin, a sheer intellectual exercise. The sight of urban blight facing the grandiose façade of my University’s UNESCO-awarded building is a reminder of the yet unfulfilled role of research and probably by some academic institutions. It is a contrast that highlights the tendency of learning to stay in the ivory tower while a significant number of people grapple for help from the educated or those who can make use of what they learned for greater social benefit?

College graduates tend to use their university training for “personal” benefit alone. This is a natural reaction in a third world country. Majority of students had to depend on the financial support of their parents/sponsors who, in return, expect them to “repay” them by supporting the needs of the family. This payback period usually takes several years before graduates get that “financial stability and independence” (perhaps, a lifetime commitment for some) especially that the culture of close family ties is still deeply embedded.

I do not see anything wrong with helping the family. “Charity begins at home” is a universal principle. The charity usually transcends the parapets of the home only when the provider has enough to share. But what is enough? When is the best time to start embracing social responsibility?

In a documentary entitled Buto’t Balat by Kara David, the state of malnutrition in the Philippines is just two percent lesser than Sub-Saharan Africa. One Chinese student’s reaction after seeing a victim of chronic malnutrition was, “Let’s help her.” My Filipino students showed compassion and pity, a sort of “Oh my God” reaction. But I did not hear anyone say, “Let’s help her.”

It is ironic that we produce so many graduates, if not one of the world’s best minds, but our knowledge has not been translated to social benefit. The knowledge has not transcended its potential state. It is knowledge just for its sake, for personal growth. The sense of community is still lip service that has also developed apathy. There is still the mentality that public service is the primary duty of the government. This is true. But when some government officials siphon funds for personal gain, who else will help the poor?

The challenge for graduates, professionals, the academe, and all of us is to lock arms with non-profit, non-government organizations in support of advocacies on poverty alleviation. Research should also have topics along this line. For one, I have required “social value” as a major criterion in approving research topics. The post-structuralist, postmodernist perspectives that seem to be in vogue as a research current maybe intellectually stimulating. But what's next? At the end of the day, how we use what we know is more important.

The Asian Congress at the Kadayawan

2008-08-29T14:37:00.000+08:00

I had the fear that Davao might be the spillover of the military’s offensive against the MILF rebels. But the contrast of Mayor Duterte’s infamous security blanket encouraged me to go on with my attendance to the 1^st International Conference of the Asian Congress of Media and Communication (ACMC), considering that I already wired my registration fee, booked my flight, and there was the lingering guilt that if I retract I woukd break my promise to assume an important role in the conference.

My fears were allayed when I set afoot Davao International Airport, which was definitely better than Tagbilaran’s and Puerto Princesa’s. When the conference started I all forgot about the threat brewing in the South.

The conference centered on the role of media and communication in the discussion of human rights. Rightly so, Alan Davis, a London-based journalist who is currently affiliated with an NGO that monitors human rights cases, gave the keynote speech. I could not forget his emphasis on the preferred behavior of journalists who are human beings before professionals. He gleaned that objectivity in news is not necessarily compromised by expressing a journalist’s sense of “humanity” or “subjectivity” (to a certain extent) when dealing with sensitive human rights cases.

A series of plenary speakers provided more insights, most noteworthy of them for me was Rachel Khan. I like the way she responded to my question on Reuter’s dictum today that “No news is worth dying for.” She said that the dictum is not in conflict with the search for “truth” because the journalist could simply raise awareness on a controversial issue and let more “powerful” stakeholders take the cudgels and battle it out so to speak. Expectedly witty was Dr. Isagani Cruz who clarified that the Philippines is not the third largest English speaking country. According to him, nowhere in the world has recognized this except the website of our embassies. We are actually the 5^th; if I heard it right India and Nigeria are ahead of us. His talk, however, focused on the impetus recognizing the “Filipino English” and the challenge of “colonizing English”.

I learned that my panel on “Imaging Women” with fellow young communication scholars had the most number of attendees. Our panel tackled the political economy of women’s portrayals in sitcoms, “Other-ness” in the representation of Thailand as a sex tourist destination, the most gender-sensitive films of the Metro Manila Film Festival, and women in better light

I had newfound friends: Fatima of Lyceum who told me to teach in her university too, Dr. Lea from Zamboanga who invited me to give a talk in her school soon, Joanne of Ateneo de Davao who accommodated most of my requests, Dan Cantal, Communications chair of Trinity U and my roommate, my flight-mate John Wigley of UST, and rekindled friendships with Gwen Pusta,Walter Yudelmo of FEU, among others.

But more memorable is the bonding I had with Ma’am Beth Naui and Smith from Chulalongkorn U. Showing our version of Filipino hospitality, we treated Smith in an unknown restaurant. Smith was so polite to say that the food is okay but Beth and I knew that there is better pork sinigang than what was served us. Despite this, we still had a lively tête-à-tête over dinner ranging from politics to our lives.

Smith who questioned how British media misrepresented Thailand as a sex spot shares with me some commonalities like the similar anchor on political economy of our papers, our passion for teaching, and penchant to go to massage spas. It was just unfortunate that he had to return to Thailand the day after his paper presentation. If time permits, Beth and I will visit him in Bangkok in February next year.

The ACMC’s schedule was timely for the Kadayawan Festival. Much touted, it featured the “indakan” and float parade as students all over Davao strutted on the streets in their colorful and ethnic-inspired costumes. Like a true-bloodied tourist, we did not miss the festival, took snapshots, and feasted on the spectacles.

Noticeably, the Davaoeños were very polite. In the market stalls, they cleared the way so we could pass, a sign of how they highly value tourists. The food and accommodation are not pricey so local tourists like us had our money’s worth. We were also able to walk in the streets without fear of muggers, a proof that Davao is indeed one of the safest cities in the country. The only spark of threat I noticed was when I saw a group of adolescents who shouted some invectives against some emos crossing the street.

I will go back to Davao, this time for sheer leisure because I did not have the chance to visit some tourist spots. Some must-haves the second time around: the grilled fresh fish at P25 each, the good massage (combination of Thai, shiatsu, and Swedish), the suburban ambience that provides balance between rural and cosmopolitan life, and the festivity that conveys our rich Filipino heritage.

The crying groom; the martyr girlfriend

2008-07-28T06:05:00.000+08:00

THIS IS A STORY about two individuals with two interesting love anecdotes. The first one just got married at Sanctuario de Antonio in Makati and the other one just broke up with her “boyfriend”.

I witnessed the expressions of love and I cannot help but share them with readers of my blog. I believe that the lessons are insightful for someone who enjoys scrutiny of gender politics like me, for those facing the same situation, and for anyone who believes in love despite its paradoxes.

Their names are withheld for privacy.

The first half of the title is “The crying groom” because it was the first time of my life to see that the groom was more emotional than the bride. He was so emotional that it almost crossed the borders of light comedy.

He walked confidently and looked gallantly in his tuxedo as his parents accompanied him to the altar. The wedding coordinator was walking briskly from front to back just to ensure the smooth run of the processional. The crowd was excited to see the entry of the bride—who was expected to exude beauty and elegance—for being the central character of the entourage that looked so expensive in their brown and rusted orange motif.

The violin’s melody lorded over the airwaves. Everyone panned his or her head to see the entrance of the bride. She was statuesque in her gown and there was a sparkle in her face. Her mom and brother locked their arms with her. When she reached the altar, she kissed her mom and mom-in-law. The groom did the same: he kissed his mom-in-law and embraced his bro-in-law as if they are best of friends. There and then I noticed that the groom was already teary-eyed.

One part of the wedding ceremonies was a brief speech. The officiating priest asked the couple to express a verbal vow aside from the usual, “Take this as a sign of my love and loyalty” or the very succinct but loaded “I do.” The bride started it. Paraphrasing it, she said that she would always be there for him. She was calm and smiling, her face aglow with happiness. When it was the groom’s turn, he was saying, “I promise to take care of…” when he became less intelligible. He was muttering his vow as tears welled from his eyes. The bride was smiling, more of an expression of disbelief that her husband is more emotional. She wiped his tears as if she assured him that the feeling is mutual and everything is fine. Then they embraced each other.

Climax of the ceremony: The newly wed couple kissed and then they tightly embraced. The intensity of emotions was undoubtedly euphoric.

A week before the wedding, I had a chat with the groom when he handed me down the invitation. I asked him, “Why are you getting married?” He said jokingly, “She insistently courted me,” as if it was the bride who initiated it all.

I understand that a wedding is usually construed as more important for the bride, more of her celebration. You will usually notice that she is usually more excited and busier than the groom. The camera zooms in on: Her gown, pair of shoes, bouquet, etc. The groom does not receive the same camera treatment, angle, or exposure.

Of course weddings are mutually beneficial for both parties. I do not have qualms about that. But when the groom cried, to a certain extent, he reversed the dichotomy of Deborah Tannen’s genderlect that a woman seeks connection while a man seeks authority. I am happy about this “role reversal” or better yet, “overlapping roles”.

When a man has a higher degree of love for a woman or exerts more effort to keep the family beyond the required mutual love and concern, I believe that the relationship will turn stronger. Connection is second nature to women; by hook or by crook, a traditional woman will do her best to preserve the family. Thus, the newly wed couple is off to a stronger family since the groom manifested a deeper sense of responsibility by exhibiting a more intense emotion that is opposite the socialized behavior of traditional men. In essence, he provides a better part of the equation since he is in synch with the bride’s traditional nurturing role.

May their love continue to grow given the fact that it is already anchored on a strong foundation. This I will observe with utmost optimism.

* * * * * * * * * * *

THIS IS LONG OVERDUE. Maybe, this is now moot and academic. But I am still posting it because this blog is a requested analysis of the situation. I hope it can help those who are into the same dilemma.

The girl cannot get over it. She received a text message from an unknown woman who told her to leave her husband alone. She was dumbfounded. She regained her composure and replied, “Don’t worry, I am a decent girl. I did not know anything about it. He is all yours.” Then she cried a river.

The relationship started serendipitously. It was romance at the right time, at the right place. (I cannot detail it to keep the identity of the concerned persons).

The guy is sweet and a gentleman who visited her at home as a sign of high respect to her parents. His presence can command authority. He has a good posture and a friendly smile. He looks timid but deep inside is a volcano of mystery. He seems to have an inherent “gallantry” because of his profession, a surefire magnet of women.

The girl is lovable, sweet, very understanding, very loyal, and family-oriented. She has a strong personality and thinks with substance and élan. But when she falls in love she clings to it and has difficulty moving on.

As far as I know, they only had a mutual understanding; almost there but not quite. This is because the guy’s mission demands much of his time. What only keeps them together is through mediated communication and the ideals that “absence makes love grow fonder” and “love is patient; it has sacrifices.”

Quality of sacrifice

However, the quality of sacrifice and the circumstances that embed the dynamics of their relationship lay the root of the problem. My insights, of course, are based on what was revealed to me.

I have always told the girl that a man who truly loves his partner would not frequently test her loyalty because this breeds insecurity and distrust. Taking the man’s perspective, however, it is in casting doubt that a man can affirm, reaffirm or disconfirm the emotional attachment. Since their connection is through SMS and phone calls where facial expressions that better mirror sincerity are absent, then the guy, by his own definition, has rationale for his actions.

The goal of confirming the degree of love is understandable. But the means to this end, in my opinion, is torture. To fabricate facts that he (the guy lover) is married just to assess the girl’s reaction is too much (assuming that the retraction of the news about marriage is really fictitious). It caused emotional pain on the part of the girl who thought that all along she was cheated and she could have mislabeled herself as an unknowing mistress.

Analysis based on sheer logic dictates that the guy has a quirk that is quite difficult to fathom even in the context of a catch-chase relationship. It is a clear example of a romanticized psychological warfare that can cause nervous breakdown for a very neophyte apprentice of love like the girl.

Effects on others

I think both have already reaffirmed their love. The softened voice during phone conversations is searing in romance like a teenager who whispers “I love you” while in the seated on the sofa beside her parents who are not yet prepared to see her falling in love at a young age. But the sweetness takes an overturn when the soft voice suddenly increases in pace and volume plus the sudden rush to a secluded area just so the girl’s friends would not hear the heated conversation.

While love is bittersweet, it is confusing for the girl’s friends to see her in silent pain. When the girl calls you up and bursts with tears because of him, a conscientious friend could not say “no” even if the friend already said his piece about the relationship. It is difficult to advise someone who is still engulfed by the mystery of love. But what she should realize is while love involves risks, the calculation should be more careful and be made earlier before the dawn of any irreparable damage – emotionally and psychologically. Because if this happens caring friends share with the burden. However, I hope the girl does not feel offended the moment the friends keep mum about her complaints because it is not unlikely for her to receive this retort: “I told you, you did not listen.”

Expected maturity

The lovers are already in their mid-20s and I think they are no longer young to play the catch-chase setup. Clarification: I am not The Grinch or even Ebenezer Scrooge of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol who abhors the thrills of Christmas or maybe even the colors of love. But come on, this age bracket I think should already be off the catch-chase relationship. I agree this is purely a mental analysis (assuming the heart can analyze too) but when the heart refuses to see the other side of the coin, the mental analysis might be able to shed light on the conflict.

Maturity, in this sense, refers to the ability to delineate what is tolerable versus what is already too much. Yes, forgiving his shortcomings is the springboard of a deeper understanding. But wait. Even forgiveness can be abused especially with a sugarcoated tongue. As my favorite author Ayn Rand said, “Martyrdom is toleration of your adversary. They are not enemies but the act of the guy is villainous; the girl is a willing victim. The girl should therefore realize when to say enough is enough. But then again, at the end of the day, advices are just advices. The decision is still the girl’s. I fully understand where the girl is coming from. There is a social exchange value in the relationship. Painful and uncertain it may be, to some extent, she gains the feeling of being appreciated and she experiences the magic of love that seldom cascades into our lives.

Epilogue?

For now, the gush of emotions is unstoppable. But on a final note, maybe it pays to recall Dory in Finding Nemo: “…Follow your heart wherever it leads you and when you reach a dead end or whenever you are lost, use your brain to bring you back home.”

Your friends will wait for you as you float in the clouds but neither lose your wings nor feet while you are up. Because you need these on your way down.

Goodbye

2008-03-31T16:59:00.003+08:00

My two nephews, both two years old, held my hands like escorts ushering me to the terrace. I was already dressed up, ready to return to Manila after a week-long stay in my parents’ house for the Lenten season. My nephews knew that my get-up was a prelude to my departure. There was a transformation in their behavior. It was a paradox of my daily encounter with them because usually they turn the house into a jumanji. Either my mother or the nanny was like a member of the police dispersal unit in stopping these robust toddlers from “wrecking havoc” at home. (I wonder how I was like when I was their age!)

They looked so calm and mabait with eyes that resembled Tweety Bird’s. They obviously wanted a favor. They were always at my trail. But I was mum to break the news that I could not bring them with me. It would be a huge responsibility to do so.

A few minutes later, I hailed the approaching Victory Liner. I unlocked our hands, immediately kissed my mom to bid goodbye, and I proceeded to get on the bus. I heard a loud duet of cry. I did not look back. I do not want to see their faces because the tone of the cry seemed to mean I broke a promise. When they grow up, they will understand how grown-ups think and live. I hate this goodbye.

* * *

The long trip bored me so my eyes wandered inside the bus and tried to feast on the view outside. My seatmate has a black eye. I wanted to ask but the question could inconvenience him. So I did a sightseeing instead, even if the sunrays rammed through the glass of the new aircon bus. I saw farmers harvesting palay. I saw vast cornfields, a carabao smelling its mom’s behind (probably as a signal that it wants to lactate), lahar deposits of Mount Pinatubo eruption that drained what used to be a body of water. Clear water started to accumulate over a gray bed of sand or lahar. The altered “geographical landscape” (if such a term is valid) promises a “new life”. Probably, after two decades, this will be a significant body of water with new life forms.

Then my eyes closed.

When I woke up I was already at NLEX and I knew I was at the entry point to the urban city. The landscape is like a rainbow as plants are alternately arranged to provide a color contrast. I saw a phalanx of subdivisions developed from agricultural lands. The structures have begun to depict majesty. On the contrary, I believe that the majesty is a façade of the social cost of urban development as the Philippines continues to import rice from its neighboring countries. Importation is not inherently bad but when you import due to the government’s misplaced priorities, then it becomes a thorny issue. Ironically, an agricultural country like ours that used to teach farmers from Thailand through the International Rice Research Institute (IRRI) has a reversed role now: the consumer instead of the producer. Is this a total goodbye to our competitive edge? I hope not. I hope we begin to learn the value of our asset as a tropical country with vast fertile lands. I hope the government starts to prioritize the concern of the majority by always looking into the long-term effects of its current actions. Sadly, we only learn the value of something once it is out of our midst.

* * *

I am not sure but goodbye seems to be in the offing. Technology can easily connect…and disconnect too. Too bad I am missing the inspiring and meaningful messages. The communication just stopped. We had pleasantries before the Holy Week. I sent several SMS but there was no single reply. Was the phone lost or stolen? I do not know. I hope I will be informed. I can understand whatever reason, except this deafening silence. It breeds vagueness that has dragged me into the vastness of uncertainty. If the silence persists, then my hunch is confirmed: Silence is an indisputable right. I cannot question it myself.

* * *

Goodbye my students. It is my honor to have become part of your college life. I hope and pray that you will achieve your goals. Don’t be scared to start from below because there is no other way but up for those who work hard and for those who love their work. Maintain the highest degree of work ethics because at the end of the day, no regret will hound you if you know you did the right thing to do.

This is the kind of positive goodbye. Pain is not very grueling because the departure is the onset of spanning greater heights. When you become successful, return to Far Eastern University and join the academe so that your wisdom can be shared to those who will succeed you.

A Pimple Named Joeven

2008-03-27T08:48:00.000+08:00

Finally, I was able to “steal” from my own time this leisure of blogging. I have long wanted to write these… (Quite a long blog)

Just like some students I was inching my way to squeeze into the throng of spectators who were desperately trying to have a peek on the human exhibit of some telefantasya and Filipino mythical characters last February at the FEU Mass Com Fair. I bumped one of my research students and joked, “Kumusta naman ang mga tigyawat natin diyan?” (because the pimples were much bigger than the usual.) The student replied while pointing at the swollen minute hills on his face, “Joeven po ang pangalan niyan…”

We burst to laughter. It was a funny but true realization that some students had a hotbed of pimples due to stress caused by school workload and the pressure of deadlines and, sometimes, dealing with freeloaders of the group. Of course it is unfair to attribute all the stress from me because they have other equally taxing subjects like Radio and Television Production and Information and Political Campaigns. But I was informed that according to my research and debate students, taking these subjects with me was a “double jeopardy”. According to them, the subjects were already difficult plus I was “difficult” as a teacher.

I admit I demand more from my students. I believe and I have always told my students that the real measurement of growth is when you do things that are greater than yourself. I have always tried to push them harder so that they will realize that they cannot only do it, but they can be very good at it. It is the same principle I wrote in “Comfort Zone” in the 100 Essays where I penned I may be misconstrued like Saddam Hussein sowing terror in the class; but my goals are genuine; that is, to bring out the best in my students.

True indeed, they became better students. Most winners of the Best Thesis Award of the 2nd Communication Research Colloquium of FEU Department of Communication were my students. They were so happy during the awarding in the same manner that the sight of their fulfillment overjoyed me. Some exhilaratingly jumped and embraced me as if I just arrived from the airport after years of work overseas. I am so proud of my students—all the finalists. Their hard work, patience, and competitive paid off. Special congratulations to:

Ingrid K. Velasquez, Jaymen Amihan, Arby Laraño, and Francis Garcia for bagging the top prize for their study “Marketing Principles for Philippine Independent Films.”

Ann Margaret Antonio, Ma. Katrina Cirilo, and Ailyn Nierra for ranking second over 15 finalists. Their study was titled, “The Social Responsibility Role of May Trabaho Ka”.

The third placers shared by three teams: Lovely Rose Magdayao, Katherine Imson, Charisse Concepcion, and Rove Tan for their study “Mariposa sa Likod ng mga Rehas: Coping Mechanisms of Gay Detainees”; Nona Palima, Mary Eleine Samonte, and Bryan Angeles for their study “Role of Social Experiments in Noypi Ikaw Ba To? in Promoting the Value of Honesty”; and Richiel Tolentino, Julius Paquera, and Jaemie Lopez for their study, “Helping OFWs: Communication Strategies of OWWA for Program Implementation of Social Services and Family Welfare Program”.

Thank you to Prof. Josefina M.C. Santos of UP Diliman and Profs. Bong Espinosa and Gene Pamittan of FEU for spending the whole day with the Research Cluster as judges for the thesis defense and presentation.

To all finalists, thank you very much for providing a tight but friendly competition and for helping enrich communication and media studies.

* * *

Now that the semester is over, I hope that no pimple shall be named after me. Summer is a period to relax where stress becomes a matter of choice. I just hope the La Niña phenomenon will not spoil the escapades of beach buffs who have worked out really hard to tone their bodies just so they could strut confidently this summer with their beach wears.

My summer is something to look forward to. Sources of pleasure are promising yet very tedious at the same time. My friends and I have already booked tickets. There is the thrill of getting lost in an unfamiliar but exciting territory. Jia you. We just need to prepare more “fuel to add to the fire”, so to speak, in order to maximize the pleasure of the travel. After that trip, I need to work in Palawan as organizer of a conference on speech communication. I hope I can find enough time to have a sojourn and “commune” with its pristine beauty. For now, I have to rush the full paper for three conventions I am expected to attend: two in May, one in August. I hope I can beat the deadlines.

* * *

The reflection and synthesis papers of my debate students are worthy of re-reading. I am very happy that they have seen the value of the subject as a communicator, professional, and as a person. Most of them shared the importance of reading news and current affairs in understanding social issues in the country and abroad. It was an eye-opener for them that everything that they say, as much as possible, has to be validated through facts and analogies. The discursive nature of the subject, according to them, has boosted their confidence in self-expression and has improved their spontaneity. I hope that the techniques they have learned will be handy as they join the workforce. My best wishes!

I was particularly struck by the reflection of one student who thanked me for giving her a very important lesson in life. In her paper, she shared that she once asked permission from me through a text message one night if she could re-schedule her oral exam the next day because she needed to fix a family problem. Instead of allowing the re-schedule, she recalled my SMS which read, “One of the things I’d like you to learn in my class is to make decisions in life.”

A textual analysis of my SMS now has made me realize that my student already started to make a decision in life. My classroom policy states that when you are absent during scheduled oral exams, the chance to debate is forfeited and the student will get a grade of zero. I bend this policy when the reason is really justified. (Note: Justifiable reasons have been qualified in class). She was probably not focused at that time due to her predicament and instead of sacrificing the quality of her performance she opted to request a re-schedule.

My SMS made her decide on her own. She made a choice, which to my mind is a sign of empowerment to a certain extent. In life there will always be crossroads. Friends and mentors, sometimes, will not be around to guide us always. Even if they are present, the decision still lies on our hands. They can only do so much, sheer “guides”. When we fail due to our own decision, there is no one to blame. But there will surely be a lesson learned. If we succeed, the decision was worth the risk. Surely, there will also be a lesson learned. Which reminds me of Dalai Lama’s word, “If you have a problem and it has a solution, there is nothing to worry. If you have a problem and it has no solution, there is nothing to worry.” True indeed, the counterpart of a problem is a solution. If you cannot solve it anymore, why waste your resources?

This kind of anecdote heartens me as a teacher, one reward that no money can buy. For my student, if you happen to read this, I’m so proud of your strength of character. I’ll always pray for you and your family. I am not privy to your predicament but always remember that this challenge will make you a stronger person. Pray.

Unwinding in Baguio

2008-01-12T17:09:00.000+08:00

Blogging is a luxury I can seldom afford. Whenever I post, I feel as if I am sneaking to meet a forbidden love. Just like now, I have the opportunity to blog because no one from my research students is consulting me. All are busy fidgeting their respective keyboards.

Long overdue: The NDC and Rizal Leadership Institute held in Baguio City last October and December respectively were very memorable. I got to see my friends sport outfits they rarely wear in Manila. I got to bond and relax with them.

I cancelled a trip to Singapore just to join the NDC. I wasn’t supposed to attend the national tournament but I had to after reading “alarming” string of discussions in the debate e-group before the tourney. I thought my stint as DCA last year was my swansong. However, as the adviser, my conscience dictated that I should “protect” the kids from possible conflicts, only to find out that the host school—Philippine Military Academy—actually prepared a very memorable event. I must say it was the most memorable since NDC began. All fears by some debaters before the tourney were allayed by the warmth, grandiosity, and mystery of PMA culture. I experienced how to eat food plated literally on the table or “boodle fight”, be escorted by a friendly PMAer like a government top honcho, eat , and witnessed Yves of UPM strut like a pro during the Cadet Hop. I saw how CSB debaters adore San Miguel. And I saw myself got drunk again before we returned to Manila. (I only do so when I am comfortable with the crowd and the place is “ours”. Stef and Mark Legaspi acted like my nannies who always had to run after me for fear that I might jump from the second floor terrace. They asked me to sleep. (I actually interpreted it as imprisonment.) I called up my friends from San Beda to help me escape. (What a futile move because they were equally drunk or were too far to rescue me). For sure they laughed at me. Then my best friend Rose Lyn upstaged me. (he he).

I was able to unwind in Baguio (which I badly needed) and I was very happy at that time even if I didn’t win this time as one of the best adjudicators. I feel I earned more respect from some debate personalities. I disappointed some for disagreeing with their decision. Well, that’s okay. That’s one essence of dialectics.

The Rizal Leadership Institute was equally memorable. If NDC brought me down from the ivory tower of acting as dignified or as professional as I could in work, the Rizal conference renewed my spirituality and passion to lead. The facilitators from OCCI were witty and profound. They reinforced leadership principles that most of us have forgotten in the pursuit of finishing so many tasks. It was leadership anchored on spirituality, the value of relationships more than anything else. The team-building activities were enlightening although some were not new. I have encountered and used them in my own workshops. But I learned a lot of new things. I was touched by the example of differently-abled sprinters during the Seattle Special Games. Despite their limitations, they had a more compassionate heart, they were more united. We do not need to become rocket scientists just to understand the wisdom of loving and caring for others so that we can attain a collective goal. Many delegates cried. I only heard their sobs since we were required to shut our eyes. Many young student leaders all over the country were touched. I hope the reawakening of their leadership and human senses can transcend the principle and be applied in real life.

Of course, I’d like to thank my yellow team. We formed a very good sense of camaraderie. I miss them. I hope they will initiate changes in their own schools and immediate circles. The conference was underrated. I hope the country’s other top schools would also try attending it and discuss with the rest of students nationwide whose perspectives are as rich and ideal as our national hero.

***
Yuletide 2007 was special because daddy went home and my nephews (both 2 years old) had started to appreciate gifts and the Yuletide season itself. I saw their happy faces while opening the presents and how the fireworks and firecrackers during the New Year celebration had awed them. Vaughn was clapping his small hands while trying to cling to me as tightly as he could as if trying to get a reaffirmation from me that I would not let him go amid the sparks and noise barrage. Kurt curled into his mom, sobbing while uttering “putok” with the accent on the first syllable. Mom was busy texting my siblings abroad. I texted most of my old and newfound friends. Then I had to sleep for 4 hours so I could trip back to Manila for my January 3 classes.

For my entire life I always spend this season in Pangasinan. I hope I can spend it longer with them. I find refuge, relaxation, and warmth at home despite the loads of work I carried with me from the metro. My niece will soon migrate to Canada, mom will surely be sad. I’ll miss her too. Well, that’s life. Even your beloved will not stay with you permanently. Only the memories will.

My friends, myself, mom, and the insects

2007-09-21T15:09:00.000+08:00

I have been finding time to post this. I had so much to share not more about myself but about my friends. Brian Tan got married last August in a simple but elegant celebration. Given his classy taste and his wife's the reception was intimate, the venue was cozy and the food was to die for. KC is now a daddy. I was glad when "father syndrome" attacked him because it marked how he loves his wife and child so much. He was so concerned or "cheezy" if I may but at least he was feminized in a way for bearing the nurturing role. I'm so happy for what these guys have become. They are now more responsible oozing with confidence and self-respect. Just keep it up guys! I know it is so difficult to retain a "humane" behavior.

My best friends Rose Lyn and Jan are now specializing in their respective fields. Rose is now a barrister and Jan who is so happy about his new Chinese name will soon be a good manager after his stint at China's Gokongwei School of Management.

Sometimes, I feel I am left out when I see my circle of friends widening their horizons. To forget this "envy" I euphemize my situation by saying that my students' achievements are also mine. Well, it feels good to report that most of my research students have finally realized the value of the subject not just as an academic pursuit but also in relation to other fields. Research is a basic tool in any field. Clear background on how it is done provides one with techniques that can help them treat an an issue with depth.

I'm still young anyway (though starting to have the forehead that can launch a thousand ship) and I know I will still encounter more opportunities especially that I have strengthened my networks. Patience is a virtue indeed. At least I am growing interpersonally and professionally. I have learned to recognize the things I cannot change and focus on what I can still develop. There are also certain paths that are never meant for us although it takes time to realize the necessity of doing a detour. What I am so certain is the fact that I clearly know what I want now. I have a vision that constantly directs my attention to it. Hopefully, they will all be realized soon.

****

It is quite funny that my mom literally took my advice. I availed a medical card and I told her to have an executive checkup before the service expires. Well, what was supposed to be a pure checkup turned out to be a confinement at the hospital. She even said, "O ayan nagamit ko na iyong card!" She's fine now. It was a blessing in disguise because at least the doctor will be able to detect what needs to be addressed the earliest time possible. I'd like to thank my cousin Marie for being beside her.

***

After my talk at the Caliraya Resort in Laguna, I realized the importance of stress management. I was like a dog that escaped from my leash. I enjoyed my stay. I played with that HUGE football, swam at the pool, danced with the advisers during the cultural night, had pictures with participants, etc. I photographed insects that looked so endemic in that place. For sure those who have the impression that I am geeky had somewhat changed their perception - I am also a social animal who finds delight out of small things.

Teaching research

2007-07-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

This is one of my busiest semesters as a faculty member because of my research classes. I have always wanted to teach one that brings me out of my comfort zone because I have always believed that you grow when you do things greater than you.

I have become wellknown as a speech professor. I love the craft because it is the one that has made me popular in FEU. (Popular? or so I thought he he). While speech is my cup of tea, it has to the point that I want to try another cup and find out whether I'll do well with it.

Students are just introduced to research making. I had to spoon-feed them in certain aspects because some of them are not used to reading. I do not want to get mad at them because I want them to love research the same way I fell in love with it when I met Dr. Lourdes Portus, a very good research professor in UP. She's my idol together with Prof. Jo Santos, the Filipino expert in political economy of communication.

One major problem that my students are encountering now is finding the angle or research gap of their study. I have turned down so many research problems not only because there is nothing "fresher" about them. So hackneyed because answers to them can be easily found in secondary data. I hope I can inspire to read, read, and read because this is the only way to get better perspectives in their research undertaking.

This blog is a park from the monotony of checking the work of my students. I get to have a buffer. Maybe, a lot of other bloggers feel the same way. That's why Ada and Ian are doing a research on blogging.

So far, I have very good and favorite topics: Machinema by Paolo Lualhati who is, by the way, now in the US for a short film course. His is not a perception or effects study. I also like those that talk about the "construction" of identities given my research works on gender and communication.

I want to bastardize (sana) some proposed topics that are really out of this world. But since I am a teacher who should protect my students' integrity, "silence shall be the best answer" (Dalai Lama).

Re-energized

2007-06-07T09:58:00.000+08:00

Going home to my family in Pangasinan has always provided me my very sought-after refuge and relaxation. I took advantage of my free days before the start of this semester and before the submission of the many documents that my new national organization has required of me as its secretary.

In Pangasinan, food is better. I cooked what I wanted to eat; no fuzz about the freshness and availability of the ingredients that I needed. In exchange for my family’s expected hospitality, I cooked for them spaghetti which tasted like KFC’s, thanks to an added ingredient that made me discover a recipe secret of one large fast food chain in the country.

I also had enough time to observe how house lizards feasted on insects. I even took a video of the predator-prey relationship. It was 1 a.m. in the morning and I couldn’t get to sleep. Wanting of something to do, I just looked up only to find out an interesting chase between creatures I never even bothered to notice before.

I finished reading one Reader’s Digest from cover to cover. It was a back issue but I chanced upon an article that is very relevant before going back to work. “The 7 Secrets of Good Fortune” by Marc Myers is a perspective anchored on virtues. Let me share them:

Assume fate is on your side.
Get an emotional grip.
Open your mind to opportunity.
Think of the world as yours.
Keep envy in check.
Think like a “connector”.
Find an upside to everything.

Equally interesting in this booklet (is it? Or a book?) is the story on anacondas. How one man wanted to spend the rest of his life studying anaconda particularly in swamps of Venezuela and other South American countries where these snakes abound. Now I learned that female anacondas are bigger than males; the largest male is actually the female’s smallest size. That a female anaconda do sex orgy with many males. That a female anaconda can sometimes be a cannibal by swallowing the last male sex mate to get added kilos for her fasting during her pregnancy.

While my sleeps were usually interrupted by the loud cries of my barely over one-year-old nephews Vaughn and Kurt, their “learning” stage was prettily fascinating. I wonder if I was like them when I was their age. They started to utter words they have imbibed through constant repetition and mimicry. “Watch” was the shortcut for “watching TV”. And they pronounced it well. “Ading” for younger brother. “Dede”, “mama”, “papa”, “bakbak” (whipping), among others.

They love opening drawers to grab any object. They like climbing like monkeys. The nannies were always in the run-up to save them from accidents, which have surely developed in them faster reflexes. The toddlers love biting each other like dogs but they also hug each other after the hurt like kittens. I guess this is a version of “childhood sadomasochism”. Sometimes, I could not help but stop the toddlers from moving. But when they start kissing and hugging me, they suddenly assume a persuasive power to release them and be themselves. Peace in its literal sense was only achieved when both were soundly asleep. But when up, the rowdiest occurences need not be predicted.

Finally, I spent most of my time borrowing my 10-year-old niece’s SP just to play Super Mario and the game with funky and hyper gorilla! (I can’t remember the title.) She was definitely better. I was her sudden student rather her teacher based on age. This must be a classic case of digital divide.My niece even teased me that she is more of an expert, which is not debatable.

Sigh…I hope I can have a repeat of the aforesaid during my next vacation.

Glorious moment for FEU & ORADEC

2007-04-10T17:42:00.000+08:00

Last March 31, FEU won as national champion in the English Speaking Union Extempo Contest held in UP Diliman. It was a competition that made me proud as one of the advisers of the ORADEC. Our contestants were in full shape and you would feel really proud that they are from FEU. It is just saddening that we did not bring a video camera to capture the moment. Our speakers were like the real Tamaraws establishing harem.

Congratulations to Weber Amores, Stephanie Santos and Ira Montecastro. Weber will go to London for the international competition.

I think preparation and focus or determination are keys that no brilliant man/woman can surpass. There were many witty and intelligent speakers but the nuances and stances of our speakers made them look more authoritative and with full conviction. They did not glance at their notes but had consistent audience control. They were smartly well-dressed. They looked in full control of the situation.

I guess some perennial speakers have underestimated FEU (usually the case which I abhor). We are silent but when we rule, we rock! The underestimation gave others the license to be complacent. But FEU is very FEU. It succeeds during the least expected time. The last time we joined ESU was when the Philippines first sent its representative with our very own KC Buenafe as the contestant. At that time, two of the three slots went to FEU with Rose Lyn as 2nd runner-up.

Lesson learned:

1. No pain, no gain. The trainees had experienced all the pain from the constructive and sharp criticisms with even bitchy remarks like may amnesia ka ba at mukha ka ng tinapa! Our contestants already felt the pressure of Q and A portion even before the contest.

2. Victory is a strategy. We chose the angle that will fleet and be recognized. We did it successfully.

2. FEU will regain its glory in other fields (not just in public speaking because we have a very impressive track record in this area) if only there is focus and support on what needs to be supported. In FEU, it is just a question of priority. Hit the right priority and the golden years of Nicanor Reyes, Sr.'s leadership will come back to life.

Women's Month and Children's Television Programming

2007-03-28T09:37:00.000+08:00

Finally, I have this time to update the stale info on my blog. I also don't want to let go of the Women's Month without posting my realizations and experiences in this Month of the Womb.

I attended the 1st Hidelgard Awards of the MassCom Dept. of St. Scholastica's College. I just couldn't shun the invitation personally delivered by the students with a glossy press kit. The program was well-organized definitive of the St. Scho. orientation plus the fact that Prof. Jonathan Rondina, chair of the department, was at the helm.

I am glad to have met brave Filipinas who established themselves in media and communication. They were oozing with a feminist aura, not in the radical sense, but with the objective of meriting recognition from the society. Lola Bebang or Dr. Genoveva Matute was still very sharp despite her age when she gave her comments via a video clip. As a feminist radio scriptwriter, she highlighted how she created a freer and stronger Filipina who differ from the mushy and passive type. I also met the Mother of Development Communication of the World Dr. Nora Quebral who emphasized the value of working in the field to have a full understanding of the plight of Filipinos. This particularly struck me because I have been very clinical in my approach to my studies although I am exposing myself to some field work from time to time. But it is not yet enough. The staunch advocacy of Feny Bautista on children's television programs, was equally stirring. I realized how Batibot and its contemporaries are no longer given much importance today. Yes there are cartoons for children but the educational nature of Batibot will be more informational while entertaining the kids. ABS-CBN's Goin' Bulilit is too commercialized. It is wacky but I could not find the incorporation of key values that our children should be exposed to. The only ingredient it has that connotes pseudo-empowerment is the fact that the show stars kids. Maybe, Wansapanataym is its saving grace.

GMA-7 has a friendlier programming because of Art Angel, Lovely Day, and Mga Kuwento ni Lola Basyang. The Philippines has a hyperactive telenovela mentality that kids are unconsciously taught that programs like Princess and Charming and Maria Flordeluna are for good kids because they are about kids.

I hope the graduating students who attended that forum and awarding ceremony will heed the call of Feny Bautista to re-introduce children's television programs in our major networks. Maybe, QTV-11 can embrace the challenge given its track record of being family-oriented. In the same event, its two programs, Women's Desk and At Your Service were recognized for promoting women's welfare.

Maybe we are oblivious or we prefer to ignore the subtle "oppression" (ideological that redounds to practical level) of women and children, two vulnerable entities in our society. I am concerned about how capitalists have practiced corporate social responsibility. It must also touch on engendering respect for and recognition of women and children. So far, the definition of women's empowerment was also twisted. The plug, if I am not mistaken, of one network to imply empowerment of women during the hype of the Women's Month was the presence of gyrating sexy men. Using male eye candies to connote role reversal did not empower women but it only promotes voyeurism totally inclusive of the powerful-subordinate status. Is this what women want or what is made for women to want? Well, in political economic analysis, the latter is more likely.

* * *

This month my sister left for Singapore for work and her barely over one-year- old son had to be taken care of by a nanny in the morning and by my mom at night. I opposed the setup because I feel that Vaughn, my nephew, is a priority than fear of the future. The nurturing role of a mother is crucial during the formative years of her child. But I was not able to verbalize my opposition because I have dreamt of this for two consecutive nights where I had quarrels with my mom. I do not want this to happen so I followed the hints of my dream and my instincts. Now my sister is feeling homesickness but I warned her not to go home. Sadly, the materialist argument is dominant now. I realized my mom's goals. She will not be present all her life to support my sister so she is teaching her how to stand on her own. I just hope everything will turn out fine. Vaughn is smart and he needs all the guidance that only a mother can offer so that his talents and wits can be sharpened. His grandma is anyway around and I hope she will be able to fulfill the role.

My sister's case is not isolated in the Philippines. Mothers have to fulfill different roles in the public sphere to offset the demanding economic needs of raising a kid. My sister's case is more challenging though because she is a single parent. While I sometimes get irritated by her wanting to go home, I still appreciate her for standing by her decision to raise her child on her own.

* * *

Thank you to all the women of my life in the past and at present, expressed or unexpressed. My teachers, advisers, friends, lovers, female cousin, sister, and my mother. This is mushy but let me say it: YOU HAVE COMPLETED ME!

Time to go?

2007-01-18T18:25:00.000+08:00

I am so fed up. I want to give it up. It is taking so much of my time. I have been a martyr for its sake. I am scared I have changing needs. I will let go soon. I am sorry I need to do it. I have to love my self more. I have future plans. I hope they will understand. I hope they will not think ill of me because when I was with them, they owned me.

They can feel my coldness. I have reached my saturation point. I want to breathe and experience relaxation without worrying obligations. Was it even so? There were no formal papers. They assumed I will be always there for them.

I hope they realize the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

What am I talking about? This is not yet the right time to detail my concerns. But something is brewing deep inside.

If it happens, I'd like to say I am deeply honored to have worked with it and for them. I will only recall the best positive memories. I want to wave my hands farther from the rest without excess baggages.

Insensitive, Oldie, Hubris

2006-12-20T16:59:00.000+08:00

These were my realizations last night. I had to prevent death due to pancreatic failure so I reflected while waiting for the football inside me to deflate.

I was as cold as an ice this December. My tongue was faster than my mind. I received Atlas Shrugged as birthday gift from Rose Lyn but had to tell her if we could exchange the book to another because I received the same book from Brian two months back. I was insensitive about the hardships she had been through just to get a copy at Fully Booked.

I received Speculations from Ate Anna as Christmas gift. While handing down the gift which obviously had the shape of a book, according to her I told her, “Hindi na ako nagbabasa ngayon…” I couldn’t believe I have done these. To bloggers, I am not a rude person but yes, I can be insensitive. I never had the intention to hurt their feelings in these situations. Maybe I was too preoccupied but this is a lousy excuse. I couldn’t rationalize my actions. The best I could think of is, “I’M SORRY.” Of course, they have forgiven me because they are my friends. Rose Lyn wrote me, “You taught me how to love a friend unconditionally.” It’s like, you’re a bastard, but you are still my fried. Ate Anna said, “Ano gagawin ko e ganyan na talaga yan…”

This can be self-incriminating but for the past few days my mind is working harder than my heart. I am lucky to have friends who always remind me of what is to be “humane.” We indeed tend to be robotic in the pursuit of so many things, not realizing that behind any success should be significance. I should start re-marrying John Maxwell this holiday season.

* * *

I am getting old but bereft with wisdom given the aforesaid scenarios as evidence. I love listening to Bee Gees and Andy Williams nowadays. I’ m targeting to have Beatles next year. I realized how melodious and more relaxing the music genre before than the contemporary’s.

Last night, I was amazed by a feature on oldies by The Correspondents. I learned we now have the Philippine Retirement Authority tasked to lure foreign retirees and old balikbayans to spend their twilight years in the country, an excellently income-generating brainchild of top government officials. We have selling points – rich tradition as inherent nurturers, tropical environment, and lower cost of living. Given the aging population of the First World, the Philippines will most likely boast of its 7,107 Homey Islands for the Aged. Our caregivers do not have to leave the country because the elderly will instead visit them here.

The program is still exclusive for the moneyed. Income from these services will hopefully redound to the poor’s old 10 to 20 years hence. I hope its service will not be just like any other GOCC. The elderly are fragile and sensitive. They have to be well-taken care of so that the future generation will uphold the legacy of paying tribute to our forebears.

* * *

The Philippine government has shown its hubris as a host of the postponed ASEAN Summit. The construction of the Cebu International Convention Center at a hefty P1 to 2 billion indicates the government’s wrong priorities. The same amount could have been used to elevate the quality of life of squatters in Cebu by generating livelihood programs. It could have been used to aid typhoon victims in the Bicol Region.

The expense reminds me of the Marcos extravagance amid the country’s poverty during his regime. It reminds me of one of the causes of the Asian financial crisis when Bangkok erected numerous skyscrapers despite low takers. It reminds me of monuments in North Korea that exhibit pride in a historical legacy that seem to siphon social services among Nokors.

Cebu Governor defended that the trickle down effect will not be felt yet but only in the next 10 years. I agree with her proactive stance but do we have to be proactive when we have so little to live with at present? Proactivity is usually encouraged when the status quo is stable but stagnant. We are only stagnant but not yet stable today.

I hope we learn from the lessons of unnecessary extravagance. The façade may be grandiose but if the foundation for the rationale of constructing the CICC is shaky, the grandiosity is forgotten in favor of hypocrisy.

Intoxication

2006-12-13T12:47:00.000+08:00

For the fourth time of my entire life I was drunk (or just tipsy) last December 2. It was my birthday; I missed the feeling of not minding anyone but myself so I downed 5 mugs of beer and two shots of Black Russian. I had to drink a lot of water and pee many times in order to be “detoxified” so that I can go home safely. We ended the party at 12 midnight after hours of singing, dancing, and laughing; things that I can’t do while inside the classroom.

When intoxicated you forget about your problems and obligations. It is, thus, less surprising why so many people get into this habit. You enjoy the warm company of “drinking mates” who might be with you for the same reason. The spree creates a world devoid of pressure as long as everyone in the venue has the mindset to enjoy and enjoy and enjoy!

Each one of us is intoxicated not by liquor or by any form of beverage but by the idea of pleasure. We have inherent hedonistic desires that compel us to find them. Whatever is pleasurable becomes a need. Who would not want the happiness brought about by eating chocolates, fine dining with friends, and touring the country with family?

Intoxication is good only with good intentions. Some get intoxicated by avarice for power and money. They attain this at other people’s expense. They wreak havoc to families, friendships, or any other relationships. It is a form of intoxication that is not worth spending for hours and not worth planning with cohorts.

I’m glad that during my birthday, even if I was too frantic and at times irritating I was drunk with good memories with good friends.

It Comes in 3’s

2006-11-03T13:46:00.000+08:00

I had my own version of the 9/11 tragedy. I woke up at 7 am on that fateful day. I was still groggy but desperately looking for my phones as part of my morning habit. I usually put them on top of the small table beside my bed. Unfortunately, I saw no phones. I rushed to look for them under the bed. Negative.

Then I noticed that my apartment’s door was open; the keys still inserted to the knob. My heart throbbed faster. Even the digital camera that I remember to have placed atop the fridge was missing. Shit, a roughneck just selfishly looted all my gadgets while deeply asleep. Three of them: 2 cellular phones and 1 digicam which my plastic card will yet have to pay until May 2007. Oh, plus my cousin’s phone…

Flashback: How did it all happen? Well, I can be raped whenever soundly(?) asleep. Or perhaps, that creature was an expert, his tiptoes like feathers. I slept at 1 am because of a paper work. I went out before that to go to an Internet café to post a comment on the Iran nuclear crisis as requested by a friend who is working with an online magazine in UAE. I brought my umbrella when I went out because of the drizzle. When I returned to the building, I inserted the key to the knob, then left the umbrella at the corridor to dry it up. Then I entered my unit. THERE! I forgot the key dangling freely, an open invitation for any dark-hearted creature.

Lessons learned:

1. Never be complacent. Double-check locks and keys. (I thought I live in a very safe building. I’m sure though that the suspect is just in the building.)

2. Don’t put gadgets in areas easily accessible to anybody.

3. Thank God, only the replaceable things were taken and not my priceless life.

Reflection: God has willed this loss so I will realize that interpersonal communication is warmer than simply fidgeting the gadgets’ buttons. I was insensitive of some human needs. I have been very busy in work that I have forgotten to spend quality time with my friends, family, and even God. The loss can be negligible (although better if avoided) but it anchored me back on what really is important in life.

The Law of Karma says: It all comes in 3’s. The loss was replaced by three feats:

1. I won 2nd place in the essay-writing contest of the Angel C. Palanca Peace Program and won a big cash prize.

2. I accepted the Special Order from the Chair of the FEU Board of Trustees and University President appointing me as a regular faculty member. (I shall be enjoying some perks while I am still affiliated with FEU).

3. I was featured at GMA-7’s 100% Pinoy because of my collection (table napkin with company logo).

Hay...what a cycle: Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you're down. What matters is not your position but how you face this reality. Just be at your best with your feet on the ground.

Thank you to all my friends and colleagues who shared with me during my feats and defeats.

Lethargy

2006-07-12T13:24:00.000+08:00

I probably need a break very badly. Lately, I found my life so routinary. I am no longer challenged by what I am doing. Several reasons can be factored in: (1) I wanted to balance tasks at the same time but my schedule didn’t cooperate; (2) An environment that does not perk up my passions or interests.

What keeps me breathing is the need to earn for biological survival and some interesting personalities in campus:

1. My friends who drag me to be involved in some diversions like watching movie, conversing over a mug of coffee, and food trip courtesy of The Affluent Brian Tan.

2. Eyes of students who want to learn or simply pass the subject. Their fervor can be encouraging even if you're jaded inside;

3. Some who’ve got a crush on me even if I am not an attractive human being (?)!;

4. My fans (foremost my mom) who believe I can be other’s torch.

I don’t mind becoming the “light” but I can’t continue to radiate one if my reservoir of oil runs dry. I can’t do tasks only for their sake. I need to drill and crack crude to produce the needed oil.

As scapegoat, I noticed my current fancy for electronic gadgets. I bought ICT devices pretending to be techie even if I am not. I derive pleasure from fidgeting the keys or customizing them according to my preference and at my convenience. I have no intention of becoming a control freak; I just hate a system that goes out of hand thereby tolerating mediocrity, false idolatry, and illusions of grandeur. I want changes but I lack the bargaining chips or the resources to realize them.

“Be patient,” one told me. “Patience is a virtue,” another mused. I hope I’m still alive and the problems remediable before I go berserk in defense of truth, excellence, and justice.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for one great event this September. I will be the happiest if it materializes as it will open a different chapter of my life.

God bless me.

The greatest fear

2006-06-23T18:03:00.001+08:00

A Mexican basketball varsity in Coach Carter, a film starring Samuel Jackson realized that the greatest fear in life is not darkness but lightness. Brilliant men and women have consciously dimmed their brilliance to please superiors and prevent them from feeling inferior. Similar idea is gleaned in the 48 Rules of Power: “Never outshine your master.”

“Respect” for superiors is one reason behind dimming of brilliance. In a highly politicized corporate world, it is inappropriate and untimely to show your knowledge and skills because these can threaten the boss. It can boomerang to you because the boss has the bargaining chips to promote you or to give you elusive favors. Hence, despite the shortcomings of some superiors one pretends to be a Yes Man to secure a better future.

The brilliance of others is not a problem if the leader is sure of him/her self. Great leaders surround themselves with great men and they keep on empowering others to have a support system for increasing tasks. But for the insecure, offense is the best defense. They nip in the bud anybody who has the potential to grow especially when his or her growth can jeopardize the boss’ bread and butter. Even a constructive criticism is construed as an assault to authority.

I am saddened by corporate struggles. There are ass-lickers, fence-sitters, and the repressed. Lack of expression is regarded as decency. Camaraderie is faked for the sake of personal interests. Several ignore the value of truth in the name of self-preservation. They say truth is a point of view.

Yes, truth can be a matter of perspective. But there are certain realities that can’t be faked. There are certain realities with only one interpretation. At one point, some leaders must accept that they have committed mistakes and they need others to reach the apex of any corporate success. When success is defined based on how it benefits personal interests, the success is ephemeral.

Success also involves the empowerment of many so that when succession of power comes, the empowered members will continue the legacy of the great leaders.

What a life! What a pretentious world! I hope meritocracy becomes a practice otherwise the best minds will leave to find a more meritorious working environment.

Sundry matters

2006-06-02T12:39:00.000+08:00

I want to design my own blog. The available templates are already appealing but I want it my way, not just a rearrangement of the elements. Any help is welcome. Thanks in advance for your emails.

* * *

I am recently doing a freelance stint as writer of a business-fashion magazine. I have contributed three articles and I hope all will get published. The pay per article is minimal but I grabbed the opportunity to improve my networking. I am excited to see its copy due for release on the second week of June.

* * *

I am very happy for Karen Remo’s growth as a professional. She works as editor of energy magazines in Dubai and she has been to different countries as her paper’s official representative. I asked her to edit one of my works and I learned a lot from her. Her writing style has tremendously improved. She is brevity and substance personified.

* * *

I watched X-men last Saturday with Brian and Rose Lyn at Gateway. I am not so happy about the story because I expected a purist film version of the comic book series. Inability to control Jean Grey is too early. Death of Prof. X is too early. Continuity of the story can be a problem for future sequels. I hope there will be more planning or vision like the Harry Potter series or Star Wars so that X-men producers can maximize the twists and turns of the original story.

Next target: Superman!

* * *

I highly recommend that you try Mr. Bellini’s, an authentic Italian restaurant in Cubao near the Marikina Shoe Expo or COD area. The ambience does not have the commercial and esthetic touch of other restos but its cuisine is to die for at reasonable prices. The taste from the antipasti, to the pasta, to the desserts, can overwhelm any other Italian resto. Thanks Brian for the treat!

Cultural Enrichment at AUDC 2006

2006-06-02T11:39:00.000+08:00

I am very happy and honored last week because of the award as Asia’s 8th Best Adjudicator in the 2nd Asian Universities Debate Championship (AUDC) held in Ateneo. It has strengthened my credibility in the debate circle in one way or another. For all the teams I have adjudicated, thank you very much for your evaluation. Well, it pays to be fair and attentive!

It is my challenge to translate the award as an inspiration for FEU debaters. With more dedication, passion, and hard work, they can surely reach their goals.

The tournament was enjoyable because I had a cultural enrichment after a short encounter with the foreign delegates. A Buddhist debater from Mahidol University, Thailand particularly amazed me. He speaks clear and good English. I learned that he only eats from dawn to noon. I wonder how he felt when he attended the championship dinner with sumptuous food and sinful chocolate fondue around him. All throughout the tourney he was wearing an orange blanket-like cloth. I wonder whether he brought many pieces of it because the very hot temperature surely made everyone sweat. I also learned that girls couldn’t touch his outfit because he would have to fast for 3 days if touched.

The Japanese debaters are cool and friendly. I love their elegance and confidence. They are so sure of themselves even if debate is not their turf. I learned too that they are more down-to-earth than the Koreans.

I had a picture taken with a Korean wearing hanbok. My fascination with Jang Geum has forced me to introduce myself for a photo shoot.

I was shocked by sight of an “intimate” Malaysian couple. Equally shocked was a Bedan who also saw it. When I was in Singapore I had observed that the most that Muslim Malaysian lovers could do in public was to talk while seated beside each other with approximately 12-inch distance. This “code” was broken at the door’s corner of Ateneo’s Escaler Hall. I have seen the guy kissing the girl’s neck as if he was trying hard to mark a hicky. Perhaps, Malaysia’s conservative environment was so repressive that they have found liberty to express themselves in the Philippines where PDA is tolerated.

Filipinos are the best in debate. No wonder that the final round had two competing Ateneo teams. It was tightly contested with a 5-4 decision.

I hope that the intellectual and analytical prowess of the Filipinos can be translated to action. As always, we have think tanks but not actors. I hope that the next best leaders of the country will come from this group.

The Filipino hospitality is very conspicuous among the organizers. They tried their best to make the event as memorable as possible. Each school got a souvenir of a wooden carabao with a blue ribbon. Each delegate got a shell key chain etched with the word "Philippines".

Next year, if God and budget permit, I shall visit Bandung, Indonesia for the 3rd AUDC!

Childhood Memories

2006-05-10T11:05:00.000+08:00

My childhood is the happiest moment of my life. I had less worries. I had fewer responsibilities. I had the freedom to play all day. I had the reasons to commit mistakes.

My brief vacation in Pangasinan last week flashbacked my childhood memories. I saw my self in the persons of my two nephews Christian Kurt and Vaughn Gustavo. Their innocent and blissful smiles reminded my own which I have seen from family pictures. I enjoyed their chuckles every time I did a peek-a-boo. I wonder what the babies were thinking that made them chuckle. I just told them, “Hello, I am a human being, I am your Tito Joeven.”

I observed how the presence of a child/baby in a family of grownups changes the relationship of the family. The child becomes the center of attention and everybody tries to find ways to pamper and make the baby happy. This is good because I noticed the renewed bonding in the family.

I am happy that my mother now a grandmother obtains delight from nurturing my nephews. I think God has really planned everything. My mother’s attention now is no longer limited to my niece who seems to be her favorite. If my niece migrates to Canada in the near future she will not also feel so homesick because two other naughty boys will fill her house with cheerful laughter and playful noise.

When I was a child, I was also noisy and talkative. (Well, it shows even today.) I was sometimes bratty. (Well, it shows again even today.) I believe I was also a source of delight. (Well, I am not sure if it is still so today?). Who am I as a child? Here are some highlights of my recollection:

Kindergarten

I always tugged along with my mom in the bank where she works as a cashier. I always joined her in counting the coins after the banking hours. I was not very good in counting the coins but I obtained pleasure out of stacking the coins to build towers. One time, she whipped me for pocketing four 25-centavo coins to buy “binanlay ya tapong,” a native cake made of ground sticky rice with coconut milk and sugar.

I did not want to attend school. But I was motivated because she said that I would get a daily baon (allowance) of 50 centavos plus my snacks. I entered kindergarten three weeks after the day of classes had started. My mom talked to the teacher who was also my two older brothers’ teacher in the past. I was not inclined to be very obedient until merienda time came. I was served a bowl of free champorado and I liked the taste. It was like rice with chocolates. From then on, I always attended my classes.

I enjoyed my daily routine. We had a sidecar then so everyday, as the youngest, I enjoyed the pleasure of a free and tireless 10-minute bike ride from our house to the town proper. The only thing I disliked was my mother’s ban on bringing to school my dede. So every morning before I dressed up, I had to finish my bottled milk.

Out of my allowance, I only bought either of these two everyday: (1) plastic balloon gels in small tubes or (2) ice candy (milk flavor with coconut meat strips was then my favorite). Before the flag ceremony at 7:30am, I always made sure that I inflated the plastic balloons or I finished eating my ice candy.

I already knew how to write my name and read the A-ba-ka-da before I was enrolled in a kindergarten. I became an active participant in the class. I became the valedictorian and during graduation day I delivered a long onomatopoeia poem.

Grade 1

My teacher was a “tor-mentor.” I sinned many times like talking to my seatmate. I was punished just like any other else with a whip on my open palms using a wooden ruler.

I had a female seatmate who always copied my answers during exams and because of irritation I pushed her oftentimes. One time after pushing her, she told me that she would report my actions to her nanny. I was terribly scared because her nanny might hurt me. I tried to befriend her to stop her nanny from coming but what I thought as doomsday still came!

The nanny was friendly. She did not pinch or hurt me, as I feared. She just told me, “Huwag mo na ulit sasaktan alaga ko ha at baka kayo ang magkatuluyan in the future.” I just replied, “Opo.”

From then on, I did not hurt her. I just covered my paper like having a fortress around it. I almost kissed my paper whenever I wrote my answer so that my seatmate would have the least chance to copy.

At an early age, I was already business-minded. I sold some of my plastic toys to my classmates with the goal of saving money to buy plastic balloons. I could not understand why I was so engrossed with balloons.

Grade 2

There was nothing offbeat because I had already adjusted to the real school life. But I started to get lazier because I played a lot. Math was and is still my waterloo. We were asked to memorize the multiplication table. As a strategy, I either drawled or lowered my volume whenever I could not give the correct product. There was also one wee hour when my mom roused me from my sleep because she heard my neighbor Rosalinda Rosario who was also my classmate memorizing a Filipino poem. She forced me to do the same. Since it was just two hours before the class, I did not completely memorize the piece. As a result, I buckled a lot and my mom scolded me after learning from Rosalinda that I was not able to perfect the lines of the poem.
During our Barangay fiesta’s parlor games, I won the crying contest. All kids were asked to stand on a table then cry. All of us tried to fake crying when one grownup told us to sing instead. I sang the “Greatest Love of All.” I was very emphatic but my lyrics were wrong. The line, “let the children’s laughter…” became “let the children’s pan duster…” My first cousin who was then already in high school shouted, “Ah…pan duster daw!” Then everybody laughed. My eyes swelled and I cried out aloud! It was actually a moan as a sign of protest for being terribly embarrassed.
But I won P50 as prize! I was very happy that time.
The same cousin always pitted me against my friend Dwight Caballa. We would fight/wrestle at the grassy backyard beside the chapel. I always lost the game because my friend was bigger and stronger. He was a gardener while I was a couch potato.

Grade 3

My teacher was known for her strictness. On the first day of class, she got mad at us for not cleaning the room. I got scared. I became industrious even if I was not used to doing household chores. The same fear of her compelled me to study a lot. My industry paid off.

I enjoyed my grade three because of science as a subject. I became very curious of the living things around me. I started to collect grasshoppers and put them inside a jar. I started to collect many leaves, pressed them between the pages of books and used them to make Christmas cards.

At this age, I could still recall the Saturdays we went to Dagupan City to watch movies. My mom is a fan of Sharon Cuneta. She would bring all of us to the movie house to watch films. There were times we would cry for seeing our mom cry because Sharon cried.

Grade 4

It was the scariest school year. My teacher could be too physical with the way she disciplined her pupils.

Scenario: She was absent and as a rule as the class president I would take charge of the peace and order of the classroom because we opted not to go home. At the start, we were still quiet but one of our classmates who lived in the nearby hill invited us to gather tamarind and other citrus fruits. Excited about the idea, most of us trekked to the hills, climbed the mountains, and gathered all the fruits that we could under the blistering heat of the sun.

My teacher learned about it and she pinched me near my chest area including all those in cahoots. She also whacked some of my classmates’ butts and legs using a long bamboo stick. My chest area was wounded. So I cried. When I reached home, I showed my chest area. My mom filed a complaint to the school principal the next day. I did not have the chance to know what happened but the issue was never discussed from then on. The teacher never hurt us from then on.

Grade 5

I started to be highly involved in extracurricular activities. I loved English a lot. I used it during the campaign period for the student elections and I became the Supreme Student Government President.

I represented my school in a declamation contest. I delivered the piece, “I’m a Son of A Politician.” I placed second. The judges’ reason for not making me win the first place despite bringing the house down was I did not have voice modulation.

I had a high pitch like a desperate vendor in a market. But I could not believe I was part of the school’s singing group. We joined a song festival where we sang Smokey Mountain’s “Better World” and “Yesterday’s Dream.” I was one of the tenors. (Or my voice was just shrieking.) We won. We should because our school paid a hefty sum for the trainor who took charge of the arrangement and choreography.

I also joined the drum and lyre corps of our school. At first, my uncle discouraged me because we would just be exposed to the extreme heat of the sun during the training. The costs of the uniform and the drum were also expensive. But my friends were joining the band.

My lips were sealed. I became unhappy. I wanted to reason out but I was then scared of my uncle. My zest returned only when my grandfather Zoilo bought my drum. My mom had no other option but to pay the tailoring expenses of the uniform.

Most of the songs we played were church songs because the corps was originally organized for the Christ the King Celebration which our parish hosted.

I also joined the Legion of Mary upon the invitation of my classmate. My involvement in this org tasked me to become an altar boy. I started to become religious too because I frequently experienced heartburns. I became sickly. My mom, a devout Catholic, liked the idea. She hinted then that it would be an honor for the family to have a priest. Initially, I entertained the idea. But I did hear not any calling.

1990 was also the year when Pangasinan experienced the strongest earthquake ever. The class was over and I dropped by the bank to help my mom count the paper bills. I was busy doing so when everyone rushed out of the building. I thought there was just a parade outside which I did not have the interest to witness. Then I heard my mom’s scream calling out my name and demanding me to step out of the building. I saw everyone on his or her knees praying. I saw the electric wires above us rapidly moving up and down. I heard sounds from the window glasses of the building. I thought it was the end of the world especially that the female employees were crying. I remember what my grandfather said, “Always look down, the earth might just open up.” So I looked down for fear of being “swallowed” by the soil.

Grade 6

I was reelected as Supreme Student Government President. I could not remember the projects we did except the fund-raising activities. Competition became stiffer. Some were defocused in the race for the honors when most of us became volleyball addicts.

I enjoyed our Home Economics Classes. Each of us was assigned a plot to cultivate pechay. Our teacher provided the seeds. We watered and cultivated the soil everyday. Our shrubs grew well. We harvested and sold them in the market.
We also had cooking contests. We were first taught how to prepare gelatin with mangoes and then macaroni soup. My group won in the gelatin category for putting fruit cocktail as filling instead of mangoes. My mother also taught my group to reduce the water we pour in to melt the gelatin so that the mold would be firmer.

The most unforgettable in this grade was when my friend Dwight threatened to strike me with his bolo. It started with a Valentine’s Day fart. The class was silently copying notes from the board when Dwight, my seatmate, suddenly released the “thunder.” The entire class burst in laughter. He laughed with us. In the afternoon, the entire class visited Mary Jane Resoso because it was her birthday. We wanted to make her feel special because she missed classes for more than a month because of her sickness. We brought watermelons as gifts. After eating her treat, I asked, “sino na iyong nag-tooot?” My intention was just to break the monotony and bring joy. But my friend was offended. When we were about to go home, he pointed his fingers at me and cursed me along with all those who laughed. Rosalinda, Daisy Dacanay, Emerson Ganer and I were like fugitives who ran away from him. We detoured from the shortcut way to home to avoid him. We rode the jeepney even if we only needed to walk from school to home just to avoid him. He was then bringing a bolo used in gardening and we thought he would whack us using it. The next day, he laughed at us. His steam was off.

I delivered the valedictory speech which I did not write. It was a recycle of my elder brothers’ speeches written by the wife of my grandfather’s brother. I hated the rehearsals with my mom. I hated to stand atop of a table holding a comb while my relatives and my mom’s officemates served as my audience.

Two years ago, I was invited as the guest speaker of my elementary school’s graduation ceremony. The event was reminiscent of my life as a child. The place was still the same except that the audience area fronting the stage was already covered. I greeted my former teachers. Most of them were already gray-haired. My sixth grade adviser who already retired many years back also came to see and listen to me. I was honored by her presence. I was glad to see Michelle Ricafranca, my former classmate from grade one to six, as one of the teachers now.

In my speech, I mentioned the value of planning the future even at an early age. I highlighted the challenges they would face. Above all, I stressed everyone’s role especially the graduates (even at an early age) and their parents in the coming elections to attain the best leadership possible. (The graduation was then just few weeks before the local elections.)

I saw brightness in the eyes of the graduates. I can sense their idealism, innocence, excitement, and passion in life.

These are the same qualities of children that I love most. This is the same reason why my childhood memories still occupy a special place in my heart now that I am already an adult.

My childhood was not perfect but memorable. It is a memory I will be grateful of forever. Thanks to my family especially my mother and thanks to my friends for having afforded me this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Divorce as a Way of Life

2006-05-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

Divorce is like Friendster. It has become a culture or way of life after transcending its status as a fad. It has a social network of its own composed of couples who could no longer tolerate the social prescription that marriage must be preserved through thick and thin. It is a practical response to the irremediable conflicts and irreconcilable differences of couples. But what is the measuring stick of irremediable and irreconcilable?

The entire world is part of this circle except Malta and the Philippines. Even Spain, which introduced Catholicism in the country, has also legalized divorce. For sure the Philippines is host to this phenomenon only that it lacks the legal formality and official statistics on divorcees.

I am suddenly interested in divorce as a concept not as a practice after witnessing failed marriages. Since the Philippines outlaws the legalization of divorce, the following scenarios are tantamount to it:

It is not the talk of the town but it is an open secret. The father seldom comes home because the mother who still denies the relational abnormality keeps on reasoning out that he is just distant from home for his work in a place down south. For two decades most of his children spent time with him for approximately 2 years only. If I am not mistaken, he was only most visible when his two children got married and when his biological and in-law parents died. He returned for the social obligations.

The idea that he is dedicated to his work and its benefits is an inutile excuse. I hope I am not constricting and stereotyping but a loving and responsible father will try to provide “quality time” with his family above all else. To be able to stomach his distance with his family should not already cause any hash but certainty that he chose to care less about his “legal” family. This is not very hard if new or another family fills up the grueling emptiness of singlehood or reclusion.

Divorce is a dual effort. The father left for apparent reasons. The mother is a nagger who frequently insulted his person and profession due to his incapability to act as the breadwinner. The mother used to be affluent until her marriage. The insult can be rooted from her disappointment or sheer immaturity and insensitivity. The father is equally immature since he valued his ego more than his role as the haligi ng tahanan.

Marital maturity is seminal in preserving a relationship. Without maturity that guarantees sufficient and relevant insight and empathy on the responsibilities of married life, couples will have difficulty sustaining their relationship. While love as an emotion acts first as a thread that binds and compels couples to live under one roof, a concentric of economic, social, and political factors will strengthen or weaken the thread. The growl of an empty stomach can deafen couples and overwhelm their heartbeats.

Divorce, thus, happens when couples do not sacrifice. Or maybe they have sacrificed but both have reached saturation points especially if the insults hurled against each other are already unprintable. It seems to be one humane solution when one espouse turns black and blue every contact with the other.

I am not against divorce but I do not promote it either because while it has benefits, its detriments are devastating in principle and in deed. It won’t be the last option if humankind will gain enough from it.

In principle, divorce mocks the institution of marriage as a union with God. It destroys the institution that humans have created. It debases love as it implies material/economic satisfaction as its lifeblood. It debases love as a mere social practice not metaphysical with meaningful experiences. It destroys unity in diversity since it supports the idea that two unique couples can’t simply be united.

On the other hand, divorce is empowering. It does not box couples with the social construct that marriage should be forever even amidst all odds. It gives couples the wings after a painful experience. If human experience is dynamic divorce is just responsive.

In deed, divorce creates a chain reaction by disorienting the children. The children of the same divorced couple have dysfunctional marriages. They have become too difficult to deal with. They were so tight with their wives. For fear of loss and suffering what their parents had, they set unreasonable rules for their espouses. They assume a dominant position in their marriage even though it should have been symmetrical in the first place.

On the other hand, it can inspire some children to forge the best relationship possible to avoid replicating the horrendous experience of their parents.

Divorce is a very complicated way of life. Yes, it is and should be the last option. Never mind Britney Spears who glamorized divorced for doing so immediately after her wedding in Las Vegas. It must not be impulsive and selfish. It must not intend to hurt the other party. It must include in the equation its repercussions to children. Divorcees must attempt to become genuine friends as a sign that respect for each other still resides in their hearts.

Ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. Divorce is a cure for an "incurable" relationship. It is better that we choose best whom to walk down the aisle with. I am not saying that divorce can be prevented through this. But at least with careful choice of a partner in life we can hopefully reconcile differences and remedy conflicts.

Lenten and Fiddler on the Roof

2006-04-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

Thursday

I joined the Visita Iglesia last Maunday Thursday. It was the first time I did so in Manila. It was my way of paying homage for the love and sacrifice of our Redeemer.

9:58 a.m. - FEU Chapel
10:18 - San Sebastian Basilica
10:45 - St. Francis of Asisi Church, Bustillos
10:50 - Church of Sampaloc, Loreto
11:05 - Abbey Church, San Beda College
11:27 - St. Jude Church
11:44 - San Miguel Church
12:02 - Quiapo Church
12:16 - Sta. Cruz Church
1:36 - Manila Cathedral
1:50 - San Agustin Church
2:40 - UST Church
3:07 - Santo Domingo Church
3:25 - Sta. Teresita Chruch, Mayon
3:40 - Our Lady of Lourdes Church, Retiro

We walked our way towards most of the churches under the scorching heat of the sun. I knew the sacrifice was still incomparable to the great love made by our Lord but I had to do it not only to reaffirm my faith but to show Him how I have been appreciating His unconditional love for mankind.

The beauty of the altars was able to reduce my fatigue. I took pictures using my phone. I love the San Agustin Church. Its ceiling is very elaborate. The façade is not as impressive as the Manila Cathedral but when you get in, you will see its magnificence. Sir Joey Tem told me that couples who wish to hold their wedding in this church must prepare half a million pesos and must reserve the venue one year in advance.

I also love the San Sebastian Basilica. If I am not mistaken it has a Byzantine design. I love the fact that the entire basilica is made up of steel. Look intently up and you will see the canopy of paintings.

The only sacrifice we were not able to make is fasting. We had buckets of KFC chicken for lunch. We had halo-halo with ice cream after the visits.

Friday

I did not go out of my apartment. I watched Star Wars from Episode 1 to 6. The first three episodes recently produced by Lucas Film Ltd were good. Thanks to digital technology and special effects. Episodes 4 and 5 were very boring. But perhaps, they already took lauds during their first exhibition. I did not appreciate them most likely because I have been already introduced to the latest film technology. Episode 6 was better. The plot had a greater complexity that could elicit further analysis and entertainment. There were more subplots and twists to expect. Perhaps, George Lucas already got the verve to create a better sci-fi movie. I love the Ewoks!

Star Wars in general is about greed for power. Indeed, a taste of power compels one to preserve and increase it. It compels one to oppose authorities and break norms in the pursuit for change. It is also about patience. Those who rush fall along the way. Too, those who could not let go of their fears are more susceptible to failure. Just like Darth Vader. He was an arrogantly impatient Ani and a fearful husband of Senator Amidala.

Saturday

I did not go out of my apartment again. I almost finished The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I will really synthesize it when I have enough time. I highly recommend this pocketbook.

I watched Fiddler on the Roof. It is a film with a simple presentation but with deep message. Why the title? Standing on the roof requires balance and despite this difficulty, the fiddler still tries to play his instrument. Playing the instrument can mean moving on with life while balancing traditions and inevitable changes.

The story revolves around a milk vendor whose female children violated Jewish traditions of marriage. The first child violated the betrothal with a rich butcher by marrying instead a poor tailor. The second child married a stranger with progressive ideas who was jailed in Siberia after their vow of engagement. She had to leave her family to stay with him. The third child left the family in favor of a man from a different religion.

The father yielded to the free will of her daughters. He set them free. Individual preference catalyzed by love overwhelmed the social constructions and traditions on marriage.

The film ended with the eviction of the Jews in Czarist Russia. This was the retained practice against the Jews. God's chosen people conformed to the eviction than face bloodshed. As a sour-grape, they said they would find a better place for sure.

Lessons I learned:

Avoid precedents to avoid a chain reaction.
Marriage is political. It has socio-economic foundations.
Love transcends class, ideology, and religion.
Free will can defy traditions.

I like the film's message especially the power struggle between the traditions and the impetus for change. I love all about it except the overstretch of certain scenes to suit a musical genre.

Sunday

Happy Easter! I went to Church. Again, I have a fresher and more positive view of life. For each scenario, good or bad, in my life I shall not be bothered but find God's reason for it. Every fall shall be my source of strength. Just like His resurrection, I shall rise above every pain.

Bastardizing ORADEC Personalities

2006-04-11T16:26:00.000+08:00

I feel like bastardizing personalities today as response to the repressive effects of the scorching summer heat. Chocolates and cheese plus high degree Celsius can easily trigger my migraine this summer so in effect I am highly discouraged to munch sinful bars or amounts. In effect, I have become a pre-schooler who has to bring big bottles or jugs of water just to constantly re-hydrate myself.

Since I cannot curse the sun, let the following people take the brunt:

The Oratorical and Debate Council (ORADEC) has a debate chamber which recently competed in the 5th Inquirer Intercollegiate Debate Championship in UP Diliman last April 3 to 7, 2006. The bastardization is then hinged on how the following debaters/adjudicators behaved during the weeklong debate camp in Tagaytay and during the tournament proper.

Caveat: My bastardization is for entertainment purposes only. You will be lucky if you see grains of truth and if you derive lessons from it.

Team A

Gee. She is a walking encyclopedia. Maybe. She looks like a hardbound book anyway. :-) She knows a lot of matter but I think she lacks the verbal sophistication. With neophyte adjus, she will not be appreciated. I hope she will also consider improving her facility of the language. Fluency is not enough, she has to sound more sincere and she needs to modulate her voice further. She is better now definitely. Zaldy, Melvin, and Jazz cannot demean her anymore like before.

Gee is in love although she does not fully admit it. I saw a different sparkle in her eyes. I saw her that night as a sweet lady trying to tighten the bond with someone who has a mutual feeling towards her. I like them together although Gee said that her ideal guy must be older than her, among other criteria. I hope she does not get too picky because she might end up in the nunnery.

Mark. I hate him for asking the obvious. He plays ignorant and innocent even if the facts are right before his eyes. He is a big guy who tends to act like a small boy. I feel he wants to be babied. What a BIG baby! Find a grandmother!

He has no keen eye for directions. He can easily get lost. He wants to have a company whenever he travels. My God! Pre-schooler lang? I hate him for not having the guts when he has all the reasons to be confident. He is tall, intelligent, and mesomorphic. As a result, I don’t think he is very satisfied with the direction of his life. That’s why I discourage him to be a student leader. He must first learn how to value himself. DEBATE! DEBATE! DEBATE! instead. You have a high level of analysis but I hope you improve teamwork skills. So triumph in this field first before you move to somewhere else.

He sleeps a lot. He could have been raped in Tagaytay if only Rose Lyn is a maniac. Or was it his hint to finally put a stop to his statement, “It’s been a while…?”

Kevin. I like his angst and guts. He is a very determined person. I hope he polishes his grammar further and I hope he will listen to himself while talking so that he will not look like having a heart attack. I hope he will read more so that he will have more spectra of analysis to hinge his arguments on.

I like his fashion statement now. He loves wearing that white jacket from Taiwan during lunchtime. The Philippines is a tropical country, right?

He is also starting to flirt and starting to go out fully from the box. I will support him except his idea that he is a bisexual. Physically, I think he is more highly inclined towards the XX traits. Maybe psychologically, he still has the duo preference. Saan ka masaya, suportahan ta ka!

Remember: (1) If you cannot be good, be safe! (2) Work before pleasure!

Team B

Jan. When Dr. Fronda told me that he preferred to spend his last days in FEU with ORADEC despite loads of paper work, I became teary-eyed as a sign of happiness because he knows how to look back. According to him, ORADEC first developed him and he wants to repay the org. So he joined us in Tagaytay and during the tourney for technology transfer.

Unfortunately, he was not able to end it with a bang. He was still very panicky which tremendously affected his analysis. I think his preparation was not yet sufficient to overcome the pressure not to mention other concerns factored in during the training proper like the paper works and some sleepy adjudicators.

He was consistent in certain areas though. Vanity. If only this award is present, he could have won the most good-looking debater award for his tight facial skin courtesy of a gel with collagen, elaborate dental fixtures, hippy earring which fell into a bowl of rice soup, and a red trendy “lucky” polo shirt which he only wore during one busy debate day. Was he lucky anyway?

Goodbye my friend! Happy graduation! May you grow up! :-)

Maren. Structural: Simply rich. Her family owns one place at the exclusive Tagaytay Highlands. She was our hostess for the debate camp. Nice ambiance. Nice food – shabu-shabu and bulalo. Nice mom – strong but gentle.

Substantive: I hope she will be more emotionally attached to those around her. She still feels with her mind. I am not sure if she knows this but she is so detached. She needs to be emphatic of others. It does not mean that the mind shall prevail the heart just because human physiology placed the mind over the heart. Too much use of the mind can be so threatening that can detract possible lovers and friends. (Think of this angle. Reverse. Who knows your lover will recognize this development).

She needs more exposure and practice in debate. She needs to have a debate partner who can understand her frame of mind. I think she needs someone with a stronger personality. By so doing, I hope she bows down from time to time. She needs to take the risk too because her arguments can be too canned.

I hope she stops wearing sleeveless blouses. You look too masculine when you expose this skin. It can be very scandalous too. :-)

Riz. I admire his mom more than him. She was very supportive of Riz’ career. I became his pseudo-dad. Gosh, I do not want a grownup child! I hope he equals the passion of those around him. I hope he avoids beating around the bush. I hope he avoids being too nosy on side issues and non-issues. Hit the right issues instead. I hope he learns how to apply what he has read. I hope he has learned a lot in this debate tilt.

I hope what his mind wills can be actualized in debate. The spirit is not enough. I hope he does not quit debating even if his ideas are frequently lambasted. Although it is an option to quit…:-)

Mabait na bata si Riz. I just hope he will be more properly and bastardly guided in debate. Too, I hope he will not laugh his lungs out when someone falls on the floor. Maren, where are you?

Team C

Sellicha. She has blossomed from an inconspicuous caterpillar to an elegant butterfly. This girl doesn’t know she is elegant. In this tournament, through the suggestions of Rose Lyn and Maren, she became a “Metro girl.” She has started to wear dangling pair of earrings for the first time. For the first time, she has realized that she needs to be trendier in the choice of her outfits’ cut and color.

She has a long way to go and I hope the fire of her passion will not burn out. I hope she will not live up to the idea that she is Kuya Cesar’s female version. You are in debate, not in a novena. So try to speak faster because you have more issues to discuss. I hope she will read a lot. I will bet on her and I hope she will not fail me.

I hope she finds her love too. This will give more color and meaning in her life.

Ron. Boy-next-door-type at night. I have seen how Maren, Rose, Gee, and the married Annabelle were enticed by his looks. I have seen how debaters from UPLB wanted to be his “special friend.” Boyish. His ideas are also too boyish. Too simplistic. I hope he matures physically. He looks too innocent. Consequently, his arguments are too innocent.

I hope he couples his joining the debate circle with genuine goals. It will demand a lot of his time and energy to cope with the information that keeps on coming. I hope he will take risks. I hope he learns to be reasonably disobedient in certain areas. I hope he starts to read offbeat or untraditional ideas so that he will learn other perspectives. I hope he learns how to be sociable. There is politics in debate and isolationism means death.

But I like his attitude. He does not complain. I hope this attitude is not passivity but testing the waters while still learning.

Jay. Jan’s partner in the crime of vanity. He puts a mask on his nose to lift out white heads and all impurities. Thankfully, his brains did not go with the mask. He needs to stabilize his neurons. He needs to be a sponge. Guts can only do so much. He needs to read pages of political, economic, and social issues. I hope he becomes more ambitious in debate. Exposure is not enough. He needs to learn the value of losing and the impetus to work harder in order to achieve greatness.

He tried to seduce Kevin by showing his abs and the garter of his brief but he was not so handsome enough to make Kevin stop from his speech. :-) Perhaps, he needs to reduce the size of his nose to have a more pleasing face value.

Very kind-hearted. He loves his girlfriend a lot. I saw him right after the training with his girlfriend. He was wearing a shirt with the caption “Love ko si Melay.” It was so corny but it was his best way of expressing publicly how he endears Melay. It was a cute gesture though.

Adjudicators

Rose Lyn. She has some fashion sense now. Unlike before, she looked like a man with long hair and boobs. Now, she has the corporate aura except her pair of shoes, it looks so bally for her outfit. She also tries to cover her ham-like biceps by wearing blouses with long sleeves. Unfortunately, the outfit is unsuitable this summer season especially in UP where aircon units are rare.

She adjudicated during the final round of the tourney. This is an achievement by itself because only qualified adjus can reach this round. She loves this not really because of intellectual reasons. She loves the idea of Bobby Benedicto and Carl Ng calling her by first name “IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.” :-) The experience has created the impression that she is rubbing elbows with luminaries in debate. In fairness, I must admit that both are really very good in mind and in person. Bobby is handsome, while Carl is very kind because he brought Rose Lyn her lunch. (This analysis is so sophisticated!).

There is more… Rose Lyn has evolved into a young woman. She is more confident now. She is more maarte now. I hope she deletes some of her pretensions.

Annabelle. She can be reasonable and unreasonable. She can be maturely immature. She walked out from the tournament. I am partly to be blamed. I made her walk under the sun’s scorching heat for lunch in a Korean resto with food she considered as cheap. My only fault was I dragged her to go to a place I was not so certain and offered her food outside her taste. Well, that is UP. I could not bring her to Chocolate Kiss again because some of the kids do not have enough money that day. I have to consider the general welfare because although she looks like an entire contingent, I have to show concern for the real count of heads.

She is a star in the tournament given her impressive track record as an adjudicator. They call her Ma’am and she deserves it. She can plausibly justify her every decision. She is accommodating as debaters continue to approach her for her comments.

I hope she realizes that she is no longer young to do some youthful tasks. I hope she understands how some youngsters feel. I hope she can serve as an inspiration for the young without making the young forget their young blood. I hope she will imbibe more the value of self-sacrifice for the group’s welfare.

I hope she takes care of her health and food intake. The onslaughts of hypertension and high cholesterol can be so threatening.

Me. I want to become a masochist. So here's my story: I dissented in the quarterfinals. It was the biggest mistake in the realm of standardized adjudication. I was the chair of all the matches during the elimination round. I gave a decent adjudication although of course you cannot please all losers. I was able to justify my decision on the victory of the winning team in the octos, but my mind bugged down in the quarters between DLSU and UP Manila. What can I do? I could not buy the cultural imperialism argument of the latter team. (I hope the bugging down was not a sign of aging.) In the semis, Bobby Benedicto approached and asked me to adjudicate because Hanz of Saint Louis University did not come. Well, to put it bluntly, I was a second choice. No worries. Still, I was recognized because I was still the choice among the pool. Then I think my mind functioned well so I was able to justify my semis decision. I have proven that UP Manila was not able to transcend from their argument on warlordism. Ateneo won the semis. Ateneo also won the finals where I served as a member of the adjudication panel. I believe I was already a "first choice" in that top round. :-)

Despite my experiences as a debater and adjudicator, I was still very nervous whenever I gave oral adjudication in each round. I feared the grill from some debaters. Fortunately, the community was friendlier. Or maybe I was able to justify my decisions. Or maybe because I was not defensive. I treated each round as a time to impart some of my insights in debate. Some wrote down my suggestions especially the all-girl team from DLSU whom I adjudicated twice. Some just went out of the room.

Synthesis

I learned that if your intention is positive, positive energies would also follow you. I learned in this tournament the value of silence even if deep inside you are crying out loud.

For the FEU delegation that did fairly well, I learned that the issue of consistency is of primary importance. Debaters need to be consistent in order to win. They must be consistent in their goal, attitude, and strategy.

I learned that to be fully respected by others, you must be consistently respectful. To be consistently treated as a professional, one must consistently exhibit professionalism.

At the end of the day, vanity is not bad after all. It makes one feel good about himself or herself. Its output can boost self-confidence. I should have been vain earlier before the video presentation in the championship dinner. I gave a one-liner and I hated myself because I did not look good. Maren said, “ampangit mo sir!”

No debate.

Blurring Boundaries: Man versus Beast

2006-03-06T17:26:00.000+08:00

I watched Exposed! last night which featured the Man vs. Beast episode. It started with a runner pitted against a giraffe then a zebra. He defeated the first but lost to the second. Then another man had a race with a chimpanzee as the second segment. He defeated the animal in overcoming all hurdles similar to a military training. (Heck, I do not know the jargon for these hurdles!). The third segment involved a big group of midgets who had to pull an Airbus with an Asian elephant as competitor. The elephant pulled off.

The feature was a novelty for me. I believe it is a postmodernist output. Instead of competing with fellow humans who are presumed to have similar or parallel traits, man attempted to compete with “beasts” in a test of strength. Of course there is a significant level of trickery. It assumed that the animals had the same mindset as humans. I must say it is unfair for the animals because they may not understand that they are actually up for the race. The zebra for example only ran upon sight of a running man. Perhaps, he ran for his life upon thought that a lion is at his back ready to devour him. I am wondering how they trained the animals to behave during the contest. They were surely conditioned to act mechanically like running for its sake without clear goals as humans do. The animals won for having the inherent brawn.

Too, deceit is evident in the second segment. According to Charles Darwin we came from the apes. The man defeated the chimpanzee because of the complexity of the hurdles. They had to climb ropes, crawl under spiny hurdles, etc. I doubt if the chimpanzee had sufficient training to understand and execute the rigors of the hurdles.

On the other hand, was it a reinforcement that our refinement compared to the primate makes us better than them in all fields? However, is it possible that the chimpanzee could have defeated the man if only the chimpanzee had the same level of intelligence as humans?

Why were midgets used to compete against the elephant? I am not privy of the midgets’ stamina but I cannot get the rationality behind employing them instead of men with average height. The elephant had a very slim margin during the race to the finish line. What could have happened if men with “bigger steps” competed?

You see aside from novelty, I cannot fathom any other purpose. The episode can be confusing. It can be staged as a reality show. Are we running out of competitors? Is it sheer human adventurism? Or is this an indication that we are returning to beasthood?

Next week, they will feature a tug-o-war between a chimpanzee and a Sumo wrestler. In the future, there is a big possibility that man will compete with animals in an animal world this time. Perhaps we will see a poultry man racing with a chicken to pick up corn kernels, a scuba diver swimming without any aid against a manatee, a miner boring holes vis-à-vis a prairie dog, etc.

Even my stand is blurred now. I am not rooting for the animals but I do not want them to be unfairly fielded in the games of humans. At the same time I want to discriminate them in the race. I believe that human strength should not be compared with animal strength even if we are considered as social animals only with higher intellectual capacity.

Is it safer to maintain dichotomies to preserve order? This blurring of boundaries is exciting. But scary too. Remember, there is the theory that one deadly virus was acquired by one man who had sex with a green monkey before…

Clampdown on the Day of Freedom

2006-02-24T17:13:00.000+08:00

Today, the Philippines commemorates the 20th anniversary of the first People Power. It is considered as a bloodless revolution admired by the entire world in 1986. Today, interest groups once again will troop to the EDSA Shrine not just to recall the heroism of those who stood firm against the dictator in 1986. Today also marks the groups’ articulation of disgust over President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s leadership.

This celebration is stalled. The President declared a state of national emergency.

At 2 a.m. there was a failed coup attempt. One brigadier general withdrew support to the government but he was contained. Classes in all levels were suspended. The political opposition was alleged as a co-conspirator of the Left and the Extreme Right. About eight hours later, the Commander-in-Chief declared Proclamation No. 1017 with the goal to protect the government from lawless elements, and maintain peace, order, and safety. The declaration was believed to be enshrined in Article II, Sec. 4 and Art. VII, Sec. 18. No congressional bicameral concurrence was needed for the declaration.

Based on television interviews with constitutionalists, lawyers, government officials, and the military, a country under this state will observe the following:

No political rallies are allowed. The EDSA 1 celebration was cancelled. The police dispersed the protesters.
Warrant-less arrests can be made.
Government can take over utilities in the name of public interest.
There are no curfews.
Declaration stays unless lifted by the President herself.

Among other ways of carrying out the declaration, the government expressed its difference from martial law that is absolutist in nature:

No political rallies are allowed.
Warrant-less arrests can be made. The current scenario, however, allows a writ of habeas corpus and may question the detention. Since the courts still function, then the arrests may be affirmed or refuted.
Government can take over utilities in the name of public interest.
There are curfews.
Declaration stays unless lifted by the President herself.

Qualms about the declaration from vanguards of democracy cannot be muffled. The sad plight of the Philippines during the martial law is an unforgettable ghost.

Questions:

Is there a need to declare a state of emergency to nip in the bud the perceived lawlessness?
Is there a clear and present danger in rallies such that all political in nature have to be prevented?
What will happen to civil liberties which remain protected despite the declaration?

The coup was contained. According to President Arroyo, the government is now in control of the situation. The Armed Forces still expressed allegiance to her. The loyalty check was favorable to her.

Intelligence reports on impending threats justified the declaration. But the declaration is unnecessary as it damages other areas in socio-politics. I think it is an overreaction and it is too preemptive in nature. It clearly delineates the lines between those who are in favor and not to her administration. The ban on all rallies is a perfumed way to prevent her ouster. If the military is at your side then there is nothing to fear. But perhaps because loyalty can change colors she just ensured a scheme to maintain that loyalty.

It takes one to know one. She has lost her loyalty (if ever she was) to democracy because the declaration negates democracy itself. Multi-perspectives or diverse opinions are significant in democracy but the silencing of the opposition through the ban on rallies prohibits these. Banning rallies disallows avenues to express opposition.

The banning of all rallies also assumes that it is a form of clear and present danger. Remember that President Estrada stepped down from power after the rallies in EDSA. President Arroyo has declared the same state of emergency on May 1, 2001 after rallyists almost stormed Malacañang to oust her. It must have been traumatic and because she does not want history to repeat itself, she banned all rallies now. Protestors were prevented from merging. They were squashed while still manageable.

Perhaps, one lame argument behind the prevention of rallies is that lawless elements and opportunists might exploit rallies as a mouthpiece to drag her out of her political seat. A strong, assertive, and vocal throng of people can pressure the military to withdraw support like what General Ramos and Angelo Reyes did during the two epochs of bloodless revolutions. President Arroyo took the same stance now because of paranoia. Or schizophrenia. She uses national security as shield at the expense of civil liberties.

Freedom of expression. Freedom of assembly. Eventually, right to information and freedom of the press will also be limited as media reportage has restrictions now. There is also the threat of government takeover if the media support entities that incite rebellion or sensationalize treasonous materials. The new media behavior that constitutes a lapdog is not yet clear. But clearly, the media as venue of expression of diverse opinions, both positive and negative to the government, is now inexistent. The gagging is ominous which tends to suggest that media should be acquiescent to the government.

The real threat to national security is not posed by those who clamor development and change in governance. It is a constitutional entitlement to express the need for a better government. It is a human inkling to demand the best.

Those who cannot deliver public service but who cling on to power because of pride and reputation in effect exacerbate the real threat not just to national security but to democracy. Social unrest will not end unless the root cause is addressed.

In the coming days there will be a constitutional battle on the interpretation of the right to protect the State and the right to self-expression. It will be intellectually bloody. The quest for truth and the definition of truth will be elusive. It takes sacrifice to end the battle among Filipinos. Who will sacrifice?

Victory to Sorry

2006-02-14T12:18:00.000+08:00

February 10

Very busy day:

I had to cook breakfast for my visitor. I fried boneless bangus and prepared salted eggs with tomatoes as a side dish.

I rushed to school to meet the contingents to San Sebastian College. I had no time to buy my lunch so when I saw Ate Anna, I spooned some of her food. I loved the veggies.

At the contest venue, I was drafting a press release due at 6p.m while watching good and lousy orators. Ada Peñaflor, a sophomore communication major, was chosen as one of the finalists in the Community Chest Foundation’s Oratorical Contest. She bested 13 other participants and would compete on March 3 at the PICC to represent FEU-ORADEC. I am very proud of her and I hope she will win this one. I wrote her oration piece which highlights the need to practice the “principle of conjugality” to stop pornography.

She needs to have a power dress and has to be more certain with her hand gestures. If these cues are enhanced, she will become more persuasive given her very powerful voice and clear diction. She has all the components of a winner.

I encoded the press release on the 1st Tripartite Confluence. It tackled the plans of the administration, top alumni, and current student leaders to improve the image of FEU in the corporate world. As a jumpstart, alumni networking must be enhanced.

I rushed to SM San Lazaro to help my cousin do her shopping using her credit card. It was her first time to use it. Her siblings call her as Dora because she knows every nook of Metro Manila. So I said, “Swiper no swiping, swiper no swiping” to prevent loss of control in card use. We ended the night with a good meal at Rai Rai Ken. I love the lemon grass jelly.

February 11

The third batch of MC0232 speakers impressed me. Preparation and mastery are clichéd but still effective formulae. My students applied what they learned and I hope they would keep it up.

Then I learned more about my student whom I badly wanted to berate one time. She was absent for the midterm examination. I tried to inquire her whereabouts that day but no one from her classmates immediately replied. Then I asked, “Does she have any friend in class?” One said right away with a smirk, “None!” Curiously I replied, “Really?” Then the catalog of reasons:

I learned that she ran away from home because she is not in good terms with her dad. Her dad had contacted some of my female students to encourage her to return home.

I also learned about her rage against her mom for “giving her away.” She used her tuition for this midterm exam and preferred not to take the exams for fear of being turned down by the Profs. Then most of the girls said that no one likes to get along with her because she is a showoff.

Now I completely understand her personal history. Deep inside I want to talk to her and find a way to mend the fences. She needs her dad in order to brave the rain. She needs to go down from her ivory tower and learn the value of social commerce. She will be my challenge.

February 12

After four years I visited my aunt who took care of me when I was in college. She cooked, as always, good lunch – mix of Ilocano, Pampango and Visayan dishes.

It was my first time to see in person my aunt’s five-year-old grandson who is autistic. I am also his godfather. I embraced him tight and his parents took our pictures with the strawberry-choco cream cake I bought for him. Lessons learned and observations made:

1. My cousins accepted his fate only two years ago. For one year, his father did not attend masses. I understand the blow. It is normal. Now I am happy they have fully accepted him and their duty to the boy. His wife is 3-month pregnant. The couple said someone would now take care of Josh if they were gone.

2. Josh needs all the attention. He always stays on the second floor because there are fewer objects to touch. He has his own table where he can put his toys. He has a fixation to tear a paper. He loves Jollibee very much. He knows how to get his portable CR to pee. He must not eat chocolates two days before his therapy because these make him hyper. Etc.

3. He threw to the air his puzzle pieces then picked them up. He drank my Gatorade even if he had his own bottle.

4. I learned that one indicator of an autistic baby is lack of eye contact. I also read some guidelines on taking care. What struck me is the need to give physical prompting if repeated instructions are still disobeyed.

His parents must be patient. I am trying to think God’s plan for giving my cousin this special lovely boy.

I watched Munich when I reached home. No dull moment for an almost 3-hour film. Each plan to kill the Black September terrorists is worth the wait. Of course, I do not glorify violence since it breeds a horrendous cycle of murders. Eric Bana is great. His internal strife seen through his eyes will perhaps make him win a Best Actor.

February 13

I was pissed off that I could not find my E700. I hoped that it was just left home. I was pissed off for being clueless about one document I was asked to submit. I spent 3 hours surfing the net to find a prototype then I submitted my draft. They liked it but I don’t. Hmmm, when actions are only for their sake they really lose meaning.

My throat was painful. It seemed to be a prelude to catching cold. I have to take care of my self. I hope I will still be fine before my dates on February 18 and 19 with friends. I have to visit the spa for a good massage. Oh, I need a spa-mate. I am willing to pay all costs just to avoid boredom while inside the sauna. But I have no choice and turn like a hermit if I cannot lug a friend with me.

Thank God I saw my phone at home.

February 14

I need to attend a benefit concert tonight at the RCBC Plaza and assist the organizer. I hope I can escape it. It is not really my responsibility but it seems so for PR wits. To put it bluntly, I am dateless today but I am not in search of one.

Pink

2006-02-07T17:40:00.000+08:00

I visited a friend at Chateau and I was itching to lecture her 4-year-old boy who courteously said, “You are a girl,” simply because I was wearing a pink shirt. I said “No.” His mom was mum.

I wanted to do the same with his nosy nanny who scornfully asked, “Why are you wearing pink?”

This is not an issue of sexuality. In fact it is not supposed to be a big deal. But I am very much concerned about their limited perspective. Well, he is just FOUR YEARS OLD, what can I expect? Well, the nanny had limited education, what can I also expect?

Perhaps, both have grown up in absolute patriarchal contexts with parents without ample time to include gender sensitivity while interacting with them during their formative years. Yes, I blame it on their upbringing plus the reinforced stereotypes when exposed to ideological state apparatuses like the media, school, and church. Perhaps, they have been socialized that a man should wear blue shirts, play with guns and cars, watch Manny Pacquiao as he downs Morales, be rough, and choose the eagle as tattoo while girls must have pink panties with pink lacy ruffles, beautify Barbie, cross legs when seated, and pick a pink t-shirt with Tweety Bird on it.

This dichotomy makes me sick. While it makes life easy for some as it brings about “social order,” it muffles the appreciation of diversity in a world that now recognizes individuality and again, diversity. I am concerned because another boy might just grow up like any other traditional man who will reassert the superior position effortlessly bestowed upon him by society and use it to unnecessarily dominate women. It is a clear and early indicator of chauvinism for me.

Or I might just be overanalyzing. It is too early to tell. This boy will learn his lessons and might just wear pink shirts in the future too just like many male ramp models nowadays.

I hope next time I can properly and effectively share my ideas on postmodernism and deconstruct the oppressive texts of this essentializing. Or the challenge might be better worded as: I hope I can explain these to the yet intellectually, emotionally, and psychologically immature.

Good Bye My Nurses

2006-02-07T10:50:00.000+08:00

I had nursing graduating students last 2004 and as part of their final oral exam in Speech 1, I assigned one word for each of them. The instruction is to expound said word and link it to friendship, love, communication and respect.

During our last meeting, I synthesized all words in boldface in this text and gave this farewell speech:

Most concepts represent an ideology. They are a system of beliefs that guides all of us. In this world, some consider themselves as superior than others. Some tend to criticize and create stereotypes about those who differ from them or those who do not support their current stature. There is, hence, a dichotomy or two things put in direct clash such as feminism vs. idea of masculinity. Usually, if we do not belong to the upper or dominant class, we find racism, free trade, privatization, armchair leadership, hierarchy, and capitalism as unfair and absurd. Because these are mechanisms used by the elite to perpetuate themselves in power.

As the so-called “inferiors,” some clamor for social justice and political correctness, some form labor unions and sometimes stage a parliamentary of the street, when they fail to attain their goals in the portals of Congress. If for example, our legislature creates a law prohibiting nursing graduates to leave the country in the next five years, I think you will surely join Anakbayan or Sanlakas to protest and air your grievances. You will use all your access to information and communications technology and practice media sensationalism to get full coverage of the restraints imposed to citizens with inherent rights in a democracy such as right to abode and right to earn a living. You will dissent because the law tramples upon your sovereignty as free individual. This is where we can test your citizenship or love and responsibility to your country.

What will now happen to some of your hedonistic desires? What will happen to the pleasure you derive from your fetishism for imported brands having been influenced by America’s cultural imperialism, of course, the thrill of snow, Washington apples, California oranges, four seasons, among other abundant resources of the First World. Some will miss the wonders of genetic engineering, the opportunity to have a photo-op with Dolly. You will surely miss the splendor and grandeur of cities exemplifying urban renewal – the Eiffel Tower, Statue of Liberty, etc. Instead of singing “London Bridge is Falling Down,” you will sadly chant “Dandansoy.”

The desperate might be involved in religious fanaticism. They will raise their hands and say, “Alleluia, bring me to America!” Or some will hunt for lovers in the Internet, create a virtual reality so that their dream to wear Trench coats and turtle necks will finally happen. Some will join Extra Challenge, a Philippine reality TV program to gain attention: Join the contest of eating the most number of cotton balls, the first to fill a blood bag, the fastest to insert intravenous needles, and the wittiest in humoring a CI.

Ah…these are products of my imagination. Perhaps, these are also my sad sentiments because some of the best minds of the country will leave and serve other nations instead. But what can I do? The basic instinct of man is survival. The country’s fiscal crisis is a strong wind blowing your sails to farther but safer direction.

My plea: Do not forget your indigenous culture nor have a turncoatism from our culture to the more liberal and Westernized way of life. I’m sure you won’t because I know you are intelligent Filipinos who will be Filipinos across space and time. I know that in your veins will still run the Filipino blood because you are not cowards who practice escapist attitude by abandoning their native land and ethnicity literally and figuratively just because your country has gargantuan problems and there is a better life abroad. And I think my role as teacher who actualizes a sense of academic freedom so that discussions about theories and concepts and sometimes about spices of life become more student-centered and inspirational respectively.

I must say that this semester is my happiest. I had a lot of record-breakers. For the first time of my life, I gave a perfect score for a student’s Speech 1 performance. My friends tell me that perhaps, my standard is getting low, I’m getting old or I’m no longer the icon of a “smiling terror.”

I opposed all of them. I did not have a hard time this semester and I gave high grades in your oral exams because you are good, determined and I appreciate your unity as a class. This is the kind of attitude we need in this country. I am sad in a way because other countries will directly benefit from your expertise. I can’t criticize you for that because I have a plan myself to work abroad especially that opportunities have begun to knock. I hope we will all be together in going back to our home – the Philippines.

For those whom I have hurt because of my inevitable bitchiness, please accept my sincerest apologies. It was never meant to malign you but to remind you of certain obligations that are sometimes neglected in the pursuit of so many things. As professionals, our real meaning does not lie on how many endeavors we have accomplished but on how we have done each endeavor properly.

For those I failed to greet or give my smile while looking at me on the corridors, pardon my “kasungitan.” Honestly, I am a bit anti-social. I have a small circle of friends NOT because I am picky or I hold myself highly. I’m simply not expressive but ask my friends or read my friendster testimonials, most negative impressions do not hold water. I am someone who will laugh and make fun out of the simplest and easiest things on Earth. I have small dreams and funny perks. I collect table napkins with the company logo, I am a couch potato who enjoys Mulamin very much. I am a chocolate addict until my laryngologist prohibited me from eating much of it.

In essence, what we see in a person is not the person itself. He or she could be a social construction or how the society wants that person to be. Friendship, love, and communication are then very essential since they bring out ones true worth. Wherever or whatever you are in the future remember that good communication will be your best tool to forge harmonious relationships.

Verbal Abuse?

2006-02-06T13:21:00.000+08:00

Perhaps, I was very stressed out. I became impatient. I was intolerant of differences. I was not peaceful. I was not able to live up to my principle that “Self-control is power.”

Wednesday, February 1:

I cannot help it. My class composed of freshmen who flunked a refresher English course last semester has not yet significantly improved even if the midterm exam is in the offing. After a series of diagnostic tests, I can conclude that their problem is not really on grammar but on their attitude towards learning.

Two meetings ago, I asked them to memorize a two-minute speech using adjectives to describe certain situations that I provided. Since there is sufficient time to prepare, I got disappointed when on the date of performance some were just doing their speeches when I entered the classroom. One even complained that she did not know there was an assignment because she was absent. I replied that it is her duty to ask her classmates what happened during the meeting she was absent. I also told her that even if that was impossible, she could simply refer to her syllabus because I already enumerated all activities for each meeting.

I saw her bit her teeth and based on her facial expressions, she was trying to suppress her pangs of anger as if she did not have any shortcomings at all. I saw her hardened jaw and sharp eyes. Worst of all, she retorted my every statement. Context: The classroom had the sound of a market where everyone seemed to have a business transaction. This added to my growing irritation.

“I am the teacher,” I told myself and I must reassert this role. I felt the need to cut that argumentation. So I shouted “QUUUIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEETTTTT! There was complete silence. I rose from my seat and stood in front of the class. I could not vividly remember my speech but its thrust:

“This is the worst class I ever had. Now I am not surprised why you flunked this subject last semester. As I have told you, attitude is the problem. What else do you want me to do? You can complain if the assignment was given just last meeting and you had very limited time to prepare. One of you even had the guts to complain.” (I wanted to single her out even further but that would be traumatic and too personal so I discontinued. I gave generalized comments.)

I looked at everyone and all of them were silent. Some tilted their heads down. “You have the duty to work as students. This is not like high school where most lectures are spoon-fed. Your attendance in my class does not guarantee a passing grade. You have to work.”

I told them that I am really very tired of them. I wanted to insult them but I could not have the heart to do it. I dismissed the class 30 minutes before the time but I could not end it without giving hopes that I have forgiven them. So I gave additional requirements. And I asked them if everything was understood. I heard a “YES.” A not-so sincere yes actually. The class was apathetic and it was pointless to exhaust more energy.

On the next meeting, I became a mechanical teacher. I just graded them and did not comment anymore. As expected some prepared, some were mediocre.

Honestly, I feel so bad about this class as a teacher. I cannot just come to school and not be emotionally involved. I think I have failed as a teacher.

I will give my conclusion after the end of this semester. I hope there will be a significant difference in their performance after berating them. Perhaps, I also need to lower my expectations. My students may have a different definition of growth in class…

Speechless

2006-01-30T14:57:00.000+08:00

The great Dalai Lama once said, "Silence is sometimes the best answer." In a world with clutters of information, interests, and meanings, silence is one method to unclog the noise barrage.

During interpersonal conflicts, when at the peak of emotions, I believe that fire must not be met with fire but by water of silence.

When downtrodden as if the world heaved its weight on you, silence is a comfortable and immediate way of unburdening yourself.

Don't get me wrong. Being silent or speechless in certain circumstances does not entail apathy, cowardice nor defeat. No words or verbal cues to express self do not mean a lack in solution. In fact showing "calculated speechlessness" especially during crises indicates the communicators' ability to save the best for last.

He is not impulsive but very decisive. He may appear slow but the option to be speechless in order to evaluate self is a strategy to avoid the wastes of haste. For others he is unreliable because of lack of reply at the flick of a finger. But what is a short lull if in the long run the response is like the slogan, "You are in good hands."

For others, he seems to be an outcast. So what? There is nothing wrong with choosing to abandon the smorgasbord of information overload in favor of the fine dining of selective discernment of meanings.

It is okay to be speechless sometimes. It is okay to be silent sometimes especially when it is done to avoid hurting someone, to preserve a relationship or to reserve your energy for something more important. Remember, speechlessness in these contexts is a form of self-control. And self-control is power.

Touched by an Angel?

2006-01-26T15:07:00.000+08:00

January 24. Tuesday. 11:45pm. An angel?

I was already waging the white flag to hint that I lost the battle against my bed. I was finalizing a report when my droopy eyes conjured up the closing of the lids. Then everything was black.

“Ugh…” I shouted according to my cousin who was still up. I asked him, “Did you touch me to wake me up?” Nay.

I forgot to pray. I thanked God for sending His soldier to guide or protect me during that night. I realized I ate like a glutton so the drowsiness was caused by my system that slowed down in digesting the football of food in my tummy.

My cousin said that I was stunned based on my facial expressions. I even jerked according to him. That’s why he was equally stunned.

This was not the first time. I almost fell asleep last year when my cellphone suddenly created noise which roused me. The text message was just an advisory from 2364. Then I realized I had not yet taken out from the stove the pot of rice. I rushed to it and as expected the pot of rice already had burnt crusts.

God loves me. He makes His presence felt at times you did not even call for Him. He finds a way. He interferes in events He believes are not meant for me. He is truly omniscient and omnipresent.

Perhaps, God does not want me to join Him yet because I still have a lot of unfinished duties with my family, community, and humanity.

Lord, I am willing to take the oath of responsibility for the grand plan you have intended for me.

But if that was my swansong on my bed, gosh, a pancreatic failure or third degree burn seems to be an unglamorous autopsy report… (grin)

All in the Name of Jang Geum

2006-01-12T16:20:00.000+08:00

Last night at 9:45pm I had to cut my conversation with a very close female friend because I had to rush home. Nature was not calling me nor was there any emergency. But like an instinct I just knew that I have to be seated in front of the TV at exactly 10pm. Why?

(Sing) Sa isang sulok ng langit ko matatagpuan… Yes, my world stops as GMA-7’s “Jewel in the Palace”unravels on Philippine television. It features Jang-Geum, a servant from the kitchen of a Korean Palace of the Chosun Dynasty more than 500 years ago.

I am always amazed by their culinary expertise, the power struggle, and the historical locale of the series. I had my interests in it, as I love to cook, study power relations, and have an odyssey through time to see different cultures.

In fact when I spent my Christmas break with my family in Pangasinan, I tried some of her techniques. Aside from putting lemon grass I peeled a pear, removed its seeds and placed it on a beef dish and voila! – its soup, more than ever, tasted superbly. No MSG or other spices needed.

I think one selling point of the series used the famous cliché, “A way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.” Who would not be amazed by the preparation of the dishes – the steps and creative presentation using a number of plates and bowls, colors, and herbs?

The historical setting is also very enriching – the colorful hanbok (traditional costumes), elaborate hanok (traditional houses), and the huge urns used to store different condiments and dishes or to ferment kimchi.

I realized that there is so much to learn from the Koreans. As a broadcast major, I envy how they value their history by using it as the context to discuss universal themes on love, jealousy, greed, etc. I wonder if Philippine TV entertainment gurus already thought of doing a Filipino version, not Tagalized, which would tackle the struggle of the Capampangans to preserve their indigenous cuisines from becoming Hispanized or anything around this idea. Or how one Filipina endears a peninsulares by studying the culture of his tongue or the reverse - how she entices a handsome Spaniard through her indigenous dishes!

Lady Choi no matter how devilish her character is still lovable because of her outstanding facial expressions. She is Satan’s alter ego on Earth who makes the lives of Jang-Geum and Lady Han a living hell. This makes the series more interesting because aside from the delight of witnessing ancient chefs, one encounters the human nature to seek and cling on to power. The good-evil conflict as a pervasive theme and the subplot of rivalry in love for one man by two women spiced up what is already very spicy.

Whew! Charles Darwin is right. Evolution is survival of the fittest. But who determines what is fit? Until when can the King who is the epitome of ways of life in his kingdom be inspired by Jang-Geum’s intrinsic goodness? Or will he yield to the pressures from the heroine’s cunning rivals and become a self-centered leader?

I am in love with Ayn Rand

2005-12-21T17:45:00.000+08:00

Since Saturday (December 17), I have been reading Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. I can't stop myself from devouring each page because of the suspenseful and reader-friendly turn of events. The last time I had this exuberance was when I skimmed over John Grisham's The Client.

It talks about the intellectual and practical conflict in architecture. It tackles how the real corporate world operates, the different strategies used to top the competition based either on meritocracy or sheer wiliness. It highlights Peter Keating who will reach his goal even if it means stepping on others and bending his principles versus Howard Roark who defends his principles even if it means being stepped on by others.

I seemed to be more enlightened about the difficulties we will all face in order to succeed. It is inspirational for someone like me who encounters the same dilemma nowadays. I hope I can and will always tread the righteous path.
I still have 552 pages left... Perhaps on my next update I will synthesize this 704-page controversial novel.

Going Fine

2005-12-20T10:10:00.000+08:00

I did not know that my mom sent me a text message last December 2. She thought I am the one who is mad at her because I did not reply. I did not receive any because I remember now that I ran out of battery during that day. I am excited to go home and be with her.

I received a lot of Christmas gifts and as always I opened them immediately when I reached home. I loved all the gifts. I realized I have a significant number of thoughtful friends. I have a new glass pitcher, oranges, pastries, goodies made out of Host cuttings, belt, two polo shirts, scented candles, house ornament, etc.

One gift is very special for me not because it is very expensive. It is special because my friend has an economic difficulty but she still gave me that expensive gift. I hope I can tell her that the thought will be enough and such an expensive gift is unneccessary. She just said, "That's how I love you." I appreciate the gift nevertheless. I will wear it this January while the weather is still cold.

I also apologized to one teacher in FEU last week. She said she has been waiting for me to approach her and realize my mistakes. Yes I did. I cannot afford to be in bad terms with anyone. She smiled when I handed down my gift to her.

I am very happy! It seems that everything is going fine. I just knew everything will be fine. I only need to face each problem and do something about it.

Amen.

For the first time

2005-12-19T15:55:00.000+08:00

My mom did not greet me last December 2, my birthday. It is the first time in 26 years. I am sad because until now I am still not in good terms with the greatest woman of my life.

I can't blame her. But she can't blame me too. I ranted about her excessive support to my eldest brother's family who still depends much on my mom. She has been too emotional since our family was extended.

It is okay to serve as the backbone of her weak child. But she has to teach him and his family how to stand alone. She keeps on giving them fish and has not taught them how to fish on their own.

A mother's love is surely so hard to understand. I am not envious but I think her actions do not really help my brother in the long run.

Some may think I am heartless. Maybe. Maybe not. There is nothing wrong with helping. But when your resources run dry, there has to be change in ways.
I hate the idea of thinking in boxes. It prevents growth. It kills the excitement.

A mother is a mother. And I love her so much. I hope we can mend our differences this Christmas. After all, she will never admit she did anything wrong because she only expressed her love. Ah...love is sometimes unfathomable.

As the younger one who respects her a lot, I must find the way to settle this even if it entails extinguishing the light of logic.